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Can men and women be just friends? (pg. 7)
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| Floorfiller |
| quote: | Originally posted by trancebrat
That's the problem. Jealousy. If people quit being so close minded to the idea of being friends with people of the opposite sex then "real true" friendship wouldn't be so taboo. This entire conversation is the reason why women do NOT trust men. You guys have done nothing but validate that feeling for every woman in the world that has ever felt that way. The next time your girl acts all funny about some girl that you are friends with...do me a favor and don't lie and say "she's just a friend". According to you guys...it's not possible. |
so how do we keep from being that way? how can we change? i have to admit that i'm a pretty jealous boyfriend, but i don't know how to change it?
i think that it mostly comes from the fact that i'm a very needy person. i need lots of attention and affection...and if i don't get it i worry. so what do i do about that? |
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| diego |
| quote: | Originally posted by Floorfiller
so how do we keep from being that way? how can we change? i have to admit that i'm a pretty jealous boyfriend, but i don't know how to change it?
i think that it mostly comes from the fact that i'm a very needy person. i need lots of attention and affection...and if i don't get it i worry. so what do i do about that? |
try to not think like that, if you keep thinking like that you've the possibility of quite an unhappy life alot of the time, if she leaves you, that's going to rightly screw you over |
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| trancebrat |
| quote: | Originally posted by Floorfiller
so how do we keep from being that way? how can we change? i have to admit that i'm a pretty jealous boyfriend, but i don't know how to change it?
i think that it mostly comes from the fact that i'm a very needy person. i need lots of attention and afection...and if i don't get it i worry. so what do i do about that? |
You can't get answers like that from a message board. What are you so worried about? Has she given you reasons not to trust her? Do you create situations in your head and pick fights with her? That's not healthy. They say happiness comes from within, and well...it's true. There's nothing anyone can do to make you not be a jealous boyfriend. You have to want to change. My ex made me feel jealous at times, but he was also scum that liked to lie, cheat, and steal. I knew there was nothing wrong with me...he just made me feel insecure. He made me second guess myeself. I decided that I would rather be alone than allow another human being to bring me such misery. Without trust what's the point? |
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| diego |
| quote: | Originally posted by trancebrat
You can't get answers like that from a message board. What are you so worried about? Has she given you reasons not to trust her? Do you create situations in your head and pick fights with her? That's not healthy. They say happiness comes from within, and well...it's true. There's nothing anyone can do to make you not be a jealous boyfriend. You have to want to change. My ex made me feel jealous at times, but he was also scum that liked to lie, cheat, and steal. I knew there was nothing wrong with me...he just made me feel insecure. He made me second guess myeself. I decided that I would rather be alone than allow another human being to bring me such misery. Without trust what's the point? |
very true, a lot of people believe they'll be happy when they find the 'right' person, or that they won't be happy if someone leaves them, so a lot of people go through life expecting others to make them happy, i think being happy can only be done by myself, being with someone else just adds to it |
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| Floorfiller |
| quote: | Originally posted by trancebrat
You can't get answers like that from a message board. What are you so worried about? Has she given you reasons not to trust her? Do you create situations in your head and pick fights with her? That's not healthy. They say happiness comes from within, and well...it's true. There's nothing anyone can do to make you not be a jealous boyfriend. You have to want to change. My ex made me feel jealous at times, but he was also scum that liked to lie, cheat, and steal. I knew there was nothing wrong with me...he just made me feel insecure. He made me second guess myeself. I decided that I would rather be alone than allow another human being to bring me such misery. Without trust what's the point? |
i know that she is trustworthy...she has never given me anything to worry about (well she did tell me once that she hooked up with some guy while she was dating someone, but i'm not that worried because our relationship is more serious than that ever was). i do create situations in my head...you got that right. i don't try to pick fights, but it usually ends up in a fight because she doesn't understand where it all comes from, and neither do i. i'm the kind of person that gives everything i have into relationships. perhaps that isn't the best thing in the world, but i really love my girlfriend and i can't help it. i just want that type of love in return. i know i have problems...i need to see a psyco doc... |
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| spacechica |
Hey Floorfiller:
This is how I view relationship jealousy situations:
I guess it's part of the process of getting to know someone that really determines whether you'll be "good" together. It sounds like you have high standards of what a relationship ought to be, so maybe a sign of jealousy could indicate that either you or your gf are not being completely honest with each other about your feelings... If you feel that you have been completely "true" to her about your feelings, then it might be kind of like one of you has doubts about whether the other likes you equally, more, or less than the other one does.
We all have insecurities, but if you can take yourself out of that and see your relationship in a more "objective" light, then maybe you will be able to see whether your relationship is balanced.
| quote: | Originally posted by Floorfiller
so how do we keep from being that way? how can we change? i have to admit that i'm a pretty jealous boyfriend, but i don't know how to change it?
i think that it mostly comes from the fact that i'm a very needy person. i need lots of attention and affection...and if i don't get it i worry. so what do i do about that? |
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| trancebrat |
| quote: | Originally posted by Floorfiller
i know that she is trustworthy...she has never given me anything to worry about (well she did tell me once that she hooked up with some guy while she was dating someone, but i'm not that worried because our relationship is more serious than that ever was). i do create situations in my head...you got that right. i don't try to pick fights, but it usually ends up in a fight because she doesn't understand where it all comes from, and neither do i. i'm the kind of person that gives everything i have into relationships. perhaps that isn't the best thing in the world, but i really love my girlfriend and i can't help it. i just want that type of love in return. i know i have problems...i need to see a psyco doc... |
I doubt that you're crazy. I don't know how you were raised and that really isn't something you should be posting on here, but it may or may not have something to do with how you are now. This isn't necessarily directed at you, but a problem some people have is that they want other people to be just like them. A woman will be all romantic and shower her man with gifts and affection and then she will get upset when the guy doesn't do the same. The girl will think the guy doesn't love her or she will think that he is seeing someone else when in reality he may just not have been raised that way or maybe he's not into all of that. Some people can change, but others won't. If you meet someone and they are one way you can't expect them to change once you start dating them. Sometimes you can give too much attention. I bolt if someone starts smothering me. I am loyal when committed but I also need breathing room. Your girlfriend may not mind you being clingy, but you really should address that with her. Your insecurity could inadvertently push her away. |
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| igottaknow |
It's biological instinct to be attracted to the opposite sex. If we didn't have this urge to procreate we as a species wouldn't be here today debating this issue. Whether or not we decide we can be friends with the opposite sex is personal decision based on intellect not instinct. Some view friendship as a stepping-stone to a sexual relationship, while others view it as an impediment. Friendship is an open-ended term that can include sex. How many times have you heard someone say my spouse is by best friend? Needless to say men and women view friendship very differently.
Anybody want a friendship hug? :) |
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| Floorfiller |
| quote: | Originally posted by trancebrat
I doubt that you're crazy. I don't know how you were raised and that really isn't something you should be posting on here, but it may or may not have something to do with how you are now. This isn't necessarily directed at you, but a problem some people have is that they want other people to be just like them. A woman will be all romantic and shower her man with gifts and affection and then she will get upset when the guy doesn't do the same. The girl will think the guy doesn't love her or she will think that he is seeing someone else when in reality he may just not have been raised that way or maybe he's not into all of that. Some people can change, but others won't. If you meet someone and they are one way you can't expect them to change once you start dating them. Sometimes you can give too much attention. I bolt if someone starts smothering me. I am loyal when committed but I also need breathing room. Your girlfriend may not mind you being clingy, but you really should address that with her. Your insecurity could inadvertently push her away. |
yeah i totally know what you're saying. i think that i have been pretty clingy and we talked about that. we actually lived together for a semester and that was pretty hard for her i think because it was probably too early in the relationship, i'm trying to give her some space. i think that perhaps what you said about people being raised to be a certain way is also possibly playing a role. i'm actually a pretty sensitive guy and things affect me pretty easily. i do think in a romantic fashion and i think that we are different on a certain level there. |
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| Floorfiller |
| quote: | Originally posted by spacechica
Hey Floorfiller:
This is how I view relationship jealousy situations:
I guess it's part of the process of getting to know someone that really determines whether you'll be "good" together. It sounds like you have high standards of what a relationship ought to be, so maybe a sign of jealousy could indicate that either you or your gf are not being completely honest with each other about your feelings... If you feel that you have been completely "true" to her about your feelings, then it might be kind of like one of you has doubts about whether the other likes you equally, more, or less than the other one does.
We all have insecurities, but if you can take yourself out of that and see your relationship in a more "objective" light, then maybe you will be able to see whether your relationship is balanced. |
yeah...i hear you on that. its really hard to get my girlfriend to talk about her feelings...on the otherhand i'll just start pouring it all out hehehe. |
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| Ripped Bag |
| I don't my female "friends" because they're ugly, or they're gay. |
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| Slylee |
i have a male friend that i consider one of my best friends...we've known each other since 4th grade. i am like the female version of him and he is the male version of me...i lose touch with him though when i have a boyfriend out of respect, because he is what you would call "baggage".
however, my answer to this question is no, because i am about 99.9% sure that he is in love with me. in a male/female friendship, one of the two will most likely want to take it further, and it's usually the guy. why? it's called a penis. |
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