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Why do nice guys always finish last? (pg. 3)
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| Abject Silver |
| quote: | Originally posted by trancEyes22
my boyfriend is nice and he finished first in my book. its all about having confidence to be able to talk to a woman. it may seem like the s get all the girls, but they are really only just ing them....the good guys are the ones to have relationships... |
oh, jebus, you just realized every 'nice' guy's nightmare. that's precisely why nice guys are upset. because the s are the ones that are doing all the uhmm.. breaking in.
the way you explain it is that girls first have fun with idiots and then go back to their friend to get something serious when they realize that they should stop having fun and settle down.
sorry, but the 'nice' guys by that time (at least the smart ones), have already picked out the girls that didn't go ing around and shafted them when they wanted. this is why so many women i see at the bar are always ranting about 'where are all the good men?' too late, baby. you snoozed. no self-respecting guy would ever put a girl that has been a village bicycle anywhere near the top of his list.
that's just how it works. |
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| JohnSmith |
| quote: | Originally posted by trancEyes22
my boyfriend is nice and he finished first in my book. its all about having confidence to be able to talk to a woman. it may seem like the s get all the girls, but they are really only just ing them....the good guys are the ones to have relationships... |
I agree. Your sig is hilarious, i can't believe you are admitting that. |
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| fuct4less |
i wish i knew that confidence played a major part earlier today...:( :( :(
not much i can do about it though, im shy by defalt. |
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| DJ Chrono |
Some interesting reading on the topic:
I suppose I could have titled this article "Why Do Women Show
Absolutely No Romantic Interest In A Nice Guy (Like Me) Even
Though They All Claim To Want To Meet A Nice Guy (Like Me)?"
Whew! Well, maybe not. It sure is tempting though -- because
in my unexpected career as the internet's new "Dear Mr. Abby",
I've gotten some basic form of that question many times over in
the past few months, and I'm getting sick of it. So in the interest
of suppressing my e-mail a little bit, let me show you my theory
of why it is that nice guys are scorned by women everywhere,
and how to get around this social handicap without having to take
night courses in "How to be a Jerk" at your local community
college (although I hear they ARE a great place to meet sexy
young women... ;-)
I'm sure you know the infuriating mantra that you've heard time
and again from women --either in person or on all these stupid
afternoon talk shows: "...But Oprah, there's no one to date out
there, all the guys are all such jerks and losers. I just want to
meet a nice guy..." Oh how they love to whine.
Well if you consider yourself to be the "nice guy" these women
swear they're looking for, but you strike-out with all but the very
lowest end of the female food chain anyway, then you know what
royal bull**** this declaration really is. Nonetheless -- despite
the fact that most of the feral women (18-35) actually date &
screw the drunken lowlifes and pricks they claim to hate -- they
seem determined to drill it into our heads that this happens
ONLY because the right "nice guy" hasn't come-a-stumbln' into
their life yet. Rrrrr-ight.
Ok, here's what's REALLY going on. As usual, women are
talking in code. (They are famous for this).
When women imagine "nice guys" in their minds, what they're
really dreaming about is a guy who makes them feel SAFE... but
in a very *special* sort of way that preserves his male sexual
attractiveness. Actually, this is not very mysterious when you
think about it from the *female* perspective. To a woman, a
safe guy means ONLY that you're physically harmless -- nothing
more. In terms of what you could do to her emotions, well...
that's a different story.
This blend of hot n' cold, exciting n' boring, safe n' dangerous is
what she is REALLY searching for -- this is what she *lives* for.
It's what she thinks of as having 'chemistry' with a guy.
The problem with being overtly nice or lap-doggishly friendly and
accommodating with women is that it communicates the worse
kind of SUBLIMINAL message to them. (P.S. Everything
IMPORTANT that goes on between men and women in the early
stages of all romantic-sexual encounters is always
communicated NON-verbally. Words may be the power tools of
seduction -- but it's what you DON'T actually say with words that
will make or break you!). Anyway, this lousy subliminal
messaging is the key to why nice guys rarely get laid.
Here's why:
'Nice-guy' behavior is NOT something that women see you as
"switching on" in their presence like some well-meaning but
fumbled attempt to impress them. Instead, they believe that
you've been TRAINED (yes, like a f***ing dog) by other, *more
powerful* men in your world to act this way!
In other words, 'nice guy' is how subservient men have learned
to act in the presence of stronger men in order to protect
themselves from harm ("I am no threat to your status as the
more dominant male... please don't hurt me... let me be your
harmless, lovable side-kick..."). To women, then, "niceness" is a
screaming red flashing signal of LOW MALE STATUS, and
therefore...
...it is an ENORMOUS TURN OFF to them!
This is why they can't develop any sexual energy (i.e., chemistry)
with nice guys, and with good reason. Nature has hardwired the
female brain to seek out the most powerful male to mate with in
order to produce the strongest offspring with the best chance to
survive. It's the same reason why men have been hardwired to
chase after women who display physical signs of youthfulness
(because youthfulness = reproductive success, or viewed the
other way around... old ladies = reproductive failure... i.e., no
eggs left in the carton, to put it bluntly). While male and female
ACTIONS may be completely different, their GOALS remain the
same -- strong healthy babies to carry forth the species. This
is so because "maleness" and "femaleness" are really just two
different but complimentary STRATEGIES for reproduction -- and
men and women are compelled to behave differently in order to
executed these dissimilar strategies on one another.
You see, Nature doesn't care about hurting people's feelings -- it
cares ONLY about reproductive success in order to keep those
precious DNA molecules traveling forward in Time. The dance
of mating & seduction -- in all creatures -- is linked inseparably to
this biological imperative. Go against it and you're flying in the
face of millions of years of evolution (or maybe its design, who
knows?). Learn to play by it's rules... and you will win!
* * *
Anyway, being the correct sort of nice guy to women really only
means being someone who is A) safe, and B) a guy that she
would NOT be embarrassed to show off to her family or close
(judgmental) friends. Understand that there's a lot of latitude in
there between a kiss-ass wimp and a complete psycho. Your
job is to find that happy middle.
* * *
Alright, some practical application of theory. It's difficult to
describe exactly how to go about handling the issue of being a
nice guy, but here's my best try...
You never want to ACT like a nice guy around women, but...
...you always want to SEEM like one.
Can you get a sense of what I'm trying to say here? The
problem with being nice is TRYING to be nice, instead of just
LETTING it happen. You can't come across as an *obvious* a
nice guy -- you just have to drop enough hints around women so
that you SEEM like one. Never, *EVER* broadcast your nice guy
potential to women like it's something that you're proud of!
Yeeesh!
Here's a few examples of what I mean:
1) When you first meet a woman that you're attracted to, you
must establish a NON-verbal line of communication in a way that
provokes stirrings of instinctual mating thoughts in her
subconscious "deep" brain. In other words, you need to
transmit your interest in her in a man-woman sexual-potential
way *without* actually speaking any words to that effect! Nice
trick, eh? Actually it's easy... two ways in which you can do this
are with extended eye contact and brief, non-offensive touches.
Both casual, but unmistakable in their true meaning to her.
2) Drop HINTS about you're capacity to be a nice guy, but don't
demonstrate it -- otherwise you will come off like a complete
kiss-ass. Do this by A) slipping in suggestions of having strong
family-friends relationships in your life (a sign to women that
you're "connected & normal"), or B) that you have something
exciting going on in your life -- either at work, as a hobby, or
perhaps a recent adventure of some kind.
Here's an example from my own experiences. I used to work for
a photography company. Sounds exciting, eh? Not really. The
amount of time I spent with a camera in my hand was less than
5% of the total time I was there. I mostly did boring lab work and
mechanical "McGuiver" tricks to keep a lot of old, over-used
equipment up and running. But maybe a half dozen to 20 times
a year, I got to fly around in light planes shooting aerial pictures
around the Western New York area for various commercial
clients.
So when I'm chatting up a girl, sometimes I'll work in a quick little
anecdote that's drawn from one of my old flying jobs. Like how
the snowpack collecting on Lake Erie forms such beautifully
colored cracks in the greenish ice sheets during the height of
mid-winter. But I make nothing more of it, all very nonchalant...
and I DON'T fully explain how I came into the position of flying
around the area and making such an observation in the first
place. Is it through work? A hobby?... What am I involved in
that would give me an opportunity to view this natural wonder?
Business travel? What?
She's at least a little bit curious about me now, but she's not
comfortable asking questions since I've just rolled over the
subject quickly and she doesn't really know me well enough yet.
Besides, (and this is important to understand) she LIKES not
knowing! Mystery! Intrigue! I've suggested to her in an off-hand
way that I'm a productive guy (safe & normal) who's into
SOMETHING that's kind of fascinating and possibly making me
good money -- but without revealing too much about what it is,
and especially NOT explaining every last detail in the droll,
somewhat braggartly way that is the hallmark of the boring-as-
hell nice guy.
You can drop hints about family ("connections", i.e. I'm not a
lonely, desperate hermit) or whatever in a similar manner to
show her that you're an okay (nice?) guy without piercing the
delicate bubble of MYSTERY that must envelope every
seduction.
Now you're "in like Flynn" in terms of getting your foot in the door
to her heart (this is only Step 1 remember). Why? Because
she's made the determination in her *subconscious* mind
(where it really counts) that you "seem" like a nice guy beneath
an otherwise dominant male presentation of yourself, and that
piques her interest immensely.
You are a rare encounter in the universe of men that breaks
down into either sappy, boring "nice guys" or worthless (but,
alas, exciting) pricks. Your stock has gone up at the moment it
matters most... that make or break moment OF FIRST
ENCOUNTER. No matter what "flaws" you might otherwise
imagine yourself to have, you have become interesting to her in a
way that AT LEAST she'll never categorize as friggin' "nice".
NOW you have a shot!
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Q: "Why don't women like 'nice guys'? Why do they like 'bad boys'?"
A: Contrary to popular opinion, women do like nice guys. What they don't like is guys who let women walk all over them. They don't want a doormat and they don't want a supplicating fool. Women walk all over nice guys because nice guys let them do it. Women *want* to be treated like ladies, with respect and adoration, but they don't know what to do when they are treated that way. They are simply not wired to expect this sort of treatment from a man who could be a potential mate. It's not the type of behavior that arouses them. In fact, it has the opposite affect. But that doesn't mean you need to be a "bad boy" or jerk to get what you want, it just means that you have to show women that you cannot be walked all over. It means you DON'T supplicate yourself with a woman. Think of it like a reward system. In order for you to do something nice for her, she MUST first do something nice for you. Not the other way around. For example, past posts from Nathan on ASF outlined the following example to explain the reward system:
You're at a club/bar/whatever and see an attractive woman sitting/standing alone waiting to pick up her drink or basically not doing anything. Move in and say "If you buy me a drink, I'll let you kiss me." Sure, it doesn't work in all scenarios, and doesn't work with all guys/women or personality types but if you dissect the problem, you'll notice a few key things you've portrayed to her in a rather short comment:
- You're a man who "knows what he wants and knows how to get it."
- You don't supplicate by asking to buy her a drink. Instead, you suggest she buys YOU a drink.
- You're telling her that you'll "reward" her, but only if she provides you with something you want.
- The "reward" is actually something *you* want but it doesn't come off that way.
- You're fun and daring.
Once in a while, some woman will actually take you up on the offer and not only do you turn the game around, but other women at the club/bar/whatever will notice this (without knowing what you said to her) and their own interest will be enhanced, opening up more opportunities.
An average chump, on the other hand, will usually awkwardly hang around the bar wand wait to find women who they can offer to buy drinks FOR. Losers. AFCs. Supplicators. "Nice guys." They're the first to get stepped on, used, then ignored, and the last to get laid. These guys will call getting laid "getting lucky" because that's what it takes for them to successfully seduce a woman - luck.
You might also want to read the ladder theory, which helps to explain why 'nice guys finish last'.
Ladder theory |
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| SAGE2635 |
I've learnt that women find nice-guy "wuss" behaviors annoying. (eg: calling her too often, telling her that you have "feelings" for her too early, giving away your power to her (making her the boss), acting submissive and weak, accepting her demands, bossy-needs, being her doormat and putting your own needs aside etc). Women aren't attracted to guys who act like one of her girlfriends. (so stop acting like one when you meet a girl you're attracted to) Stop asking her how her day was/what she wants to do tonight/listening to her problems/offering to help/kissing her ass etc etc until she finally says to herself "will you act like a man already!" :D
Most women have a LOT of options and are approached by hundreds of men who kiss up to them all the time. What they are looking for is a guy who can give her what she REALLY wants -->(a man with self confidence, one who is in control of Himself, the situation, and often her). yes, there are often times when a girl will accept your ass-kissing if she likes you but only to a certain point. Once you cross the ass-kiss of no return, it will be all over even before you see it coming. :stongue: :)
remember Attraction isn't usually a choice. Girls do not sit down and make a list of the qualities that a particular guy has, think it over for a few days, then DECIDE whether or not to FEEL ATTRACTION. It happens in an INSTANT and it happens for all kinds of "stupid/illogical" reasons... trying to act cocky/bad boy in front of a girl will not trigger attraction on its own... there is a lot more to it. |
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| mndeg |
because women enjoy domination. thhhhhh, why else would most women want to marry someone thats more then a foot taller then them?
domination housewife style |
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| Endlesswave |
| quote: | Originally posted by SAGE2635
I've learnt that women find nice-guy "wuss" behaviors annoying. (eg: calling her too often, telling her that you have "feelings" for her too early, giving away your power to her (making her the boss), acting submissive and weak, accepting her demands, bossy-needs, being her doormat and putting your own needs aside etc). Women aren't attracted to guys who act like one of her girlfriends. (so stop acting like one when you meet a girl you're attracted to) Stop asking her how her day was/what she wants to do tonight/listening to her problems/offering to help/kissing her ass etc etc until she finally says to herself "will you act like a man already!" :D
Most women have a LOT of options and are approached by hundreds of men who kiss up to them all the time. What they are looking for is a guy who can give her what she REALLY wants -->(a man with self confidence, one who is in control of Himself, the situation, and often her). yes, there are often times when a girl will accept your ass-kissing if she likes you but only to a certain point. Once you cross the ass-kiss of no return, it will be all over even before you see it coming. :stongue: :)
remember Attraction isn't usually a choice. Girls do not sit down and make a list of the qualities that a particular guy has, think it over for a few days, then DECIDE whether or not to FEEL ATTRACTION. It happens in an INSTANT and it happens for all kinds of "stupid/illogical" reasons... trying to act cocky/bad boy in front of a girl will not trigger attraction on its own... there is a lot more to it. |
Ding ding! |
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| rudeboy69 |
| quote: | Originally posted by jploveparade
Ok, what happened...? :rolleyes: |
LMAO
I love you guys TA..so damn funny |
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| Triumph |
| quote: | Originally posted by SAGE2635
I've learnt that women find nice-guy "wuss" behaviors annoying. (eg: calling her too often, telling her that you have "feelings" for her too early, giving away your power to her (making her the boss), acting submissive and weak, accepting her demands, bossy-needs, being her doormat and putting your own needs aside etc). Women aren't attracted to guys who act like one of her girlfriends. (so stop acting like one when you meet a girl you're attracted to) Stop asking her how her day was/what she wants to do tonight/listening to her problems/offering to help/kissing her ass etc etc until she finally says to herself "will you act like a man already!" :D
Most women have a LOT of options and are approached by hundreds of men who kiss up to them all the time. What they are looking for is a guy who can give her what she REALLY wants -->(a man with self confidence, one who is in control of Himself, the situation, and often her). yes, there are often times when a girl will accept your ass-kissing if she likes you but only to a certain point. Once you cross the ass-kiss of no return, it will be all over even before you see it coming. :stongue: :)
remember Attraction isn't usually a choice. Girls do not sit down and make a list of the qualities that a particular guy has, think it over for a few days, then DECIDE whether or not to FEEL ATTRACTION. It happens in an INSTANT and it happens for all kinds of "stupid/illogical" reasons... trying to act cocky/bad boy in front of a girl will not trigger attraction on its own... there is a lot more to it. |
You read David D's emails too? or got his e-book?
haha |
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| Verona^My |
| quote: | Originally posted by tranceaholic
it is not about being nice...it is about being confident..usually nice guys are shy and stuff and i found out that girls dont dig that.. U have to be confident know what to say how to act and if the chick says hello dont throw urself on her hahaha or like th guys hitting on the avatar haha i am sure the girl will be intrested now lol ..act like whatever.. play it cool play it confident and all should be welll.... |
http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove/
Confidence
Self CONTROL
Challenge
That girl who wrote in about her moronic navy seal boyfriend was a trip. The last thing you should ever tell a women before you even meet in person is that you think that your soulmates. In fact you probably should never say that to a woman, ever. :p
I think Doc Love is trying to say that *loving* relationships are based on actions, not words... which is why he constantly stresses guys not to overdo compliments, especially a girls appearance... overdone it can easily make the girl think your dating her body instead of dating her. |
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| Verona^My |
| quote: | Originally posted by SAGE2635
Stop asking her how her day was/what she wants to do tonight/listening to her problems/offering to help/kissing her ass etc etc until she finally says to herself "will you act like a man already!" :D
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Actually you probably should listen to her problems (women like men who listen, and are concerned about what happened during their day)... Definitely dont kiss her ass, beg, or grovel, and avoid too many compliments. Use "I Love You's" sparingly, it's better to *show* her you love her, than to tell her you love her. Think like a woman, and ask yourself, will what I'm saying or doing, help my cause. (getting the woman) |
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| matt_a |
| quote: | Originally posted by fuct4less
i wish i knew that confidence played a major part earlier today...:( :( :(
not much i can do about it though, im shy by defalt. |
Can someone explain what the hell confidence is to girls? I have no f**kin idea! |
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