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Why Women Love bad boys (pg. 10)
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| English Rachel |
| quote: | Originally posted by Wyndham
lots of studies have shown the chance of divorce is actually higher if you live with them BEFORE you get married....sounds wierd but i've read it countless times, i just can't be bothered to look for a link right now. |
I have read that a few times too! |
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| starsearcher |
| quote: | Originally posted by Wyndham
lots of studies have shown the chance of divorce is actually higher if you live with them BEFORE you get married....sounds wierd but i've read it countless times, i just can't be bothered to look for a link right now. |
Yeah but that could be due to so many other reasons - such as cultural where divorce is not an acceptable option or something :) It's easier to get out of a relationship than to get a divorce anway. |
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| zokissima |
| quote: | Originally posted by English Rachel
How funny, I did think of starting a thread called 'Marriage' just to see what the general feeling is...
I was engaged when I was in England. We had been together for 15 months and he asked me on the Rialto Bridge in Venice. To this day, I know that I loved him more than I will ever allow myself to love anyone else but I was unhappy with him because he didn't stick up for me or support me. I don't think he knew how to but I know now that that is something I need.
We were due to get married on the 20th March 2004, Mottram Hall was booked, I had picked my dress and we had decided on our honeymoon (Sri Lanka and the Maldives) but the day before we moved into our new house (he had lived in my house with me for 18 months at that point), it was apparent that I needed more from him and he needed less from me.
This doesn't mean that I wouldn't do it all again though. Despite saying that I treated getting engaged like getting married and that I would only ever do it once, I know more about myself now (and I live 3500 miles away from home). It is more than a piece of jewellery, it is a commitment. One that IS important but not one that should be waited for forever. If that commitment will not be made, what is the point.
Try jumping in with both feet, it won't kill you! |
Not too many people would have the strength to do what you did. Very admirable. Has it changed your view of marriage?
IMO marriage is a tradition and a sacred ritual. I'm not sure why people assume it to be a stupid thing. It doesn't change anything in your relationship, but it signifies a time in the partnership where you are both declaring to the world your love and commitment to one another, and your desires to unify two lives into one entity. The fact that half of marriages end in divorce just means that half of the people out there really shouldn't be getting married to begin with. |
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| StereoPrincess |
| quote: | Originally posted by Spam
After only 6 months or sooner you were already living with him and taking him across the Atlantic to meet your family and friends? That's another thing people do wrong in their relationships. They rush EVERYTHING. But the worst mistake that can be made is they move in too soon. I move in with my girlfriend when we're married. |
Every relationship is an entity of it's own. It's very difficult to judge if something is too fast or too slow. You have to just go with the flow and do what feels right in each instance. Being careful and waiting around is sometimes the wrost thing for a relationship. Moving in before your married? Again, it's a separate issue for each relationship. Telling yourself now that you will never do it could potentially set up blockades along the road to happiness.
| quote: | | I'm a bit of a blip on the outskirts of the 'normal' dating radar because I'm very picky about who I date, and it takes at least 3 months of knowing a girl for me to decide she's right for me to be dating. Most people are of the opinion that it's better to get to know a person in a relationship. But before I invest any of my time, heart and energy into a girl, I want to be fairly confident she's going to be worth it. Many girls would do well to do the same. |
Setting time lines and rules never works. Love has no rules and follows no timelines. It could take you 2 years or 2 minutes to fall in love with someone and know it's right or wrong. |
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| English Rachel |
| quote: | Originally posted by zokissima
Not too many people would have the strength to do what you did. Very admirable. Has it changed your view of marriage?
IMO marriage is a tradition and a sacred ritual. I'm not sure why people assume it to be a stupid thing. It doesn't change anything in your relationship, but it signifies a time in the partnership where you are both declaring to the world your love and commitment to one another, and your desires to unify two lives into one entity. The fact that half of marriages end in divorce just means that half of the people out there really shouldn't be getting married to begin with. |
I can't wait to get married to the person that is right for me.
I will never marry if I don't meet him.
My parents have been married 31 years (anniversary was 2 weeks ago) and my mum is 50 and my dad has just turned 52. They fight like cat and dog sometimes but they are a partnership that has had to compromise and work through tough times. I think I am too set in my ways to have a relationship like this but my aspiration is to find someone that compliments me. I agree that most people shouldn't get married.
Anyway, enough mushy stuff, in the meantime, I am going to party and shag and do whatever I feel like!
I love being single! I love being in love too! I guess I just make the most of the situation I am in!! |
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| The Highroller |
| quote: | Originally posted by Spam
Guys need a challenge too ya know. |
+1. One of the most attractive qualities a girl can have (besides looks of course :D) is if she'll stand up to me and put me in my place when it's necessary (ie she has a strong personality). Strangely, I haven't found many girls my age like this. |
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| Porky |
| quote: | Originally posted by English Rachel
I enjoy 'looking after' and nurturing |
you are my heroine!
more women should be like this!!!
:D |
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| Spin Laden |
| quote: | Originally posted by English Rachel
Anyway, enough mushy stuff, in the meantime, I am going to party and shag and do whatever I feel like!
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Careful what you do while you're single. The behavior during that period could effect your psyche, values, self esteem when you meet the person you want to spend more time with. You should practise good relationship habits, then you'll be ready when the time comes.. easier said than done, of course. You don't want to jump into something serious with baggage from the day or week before as it doesn't just disappear into thin air. It's not like a light switch at all.
-- Dr Phil-th :p |
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| English Rachel |
| quote: | Originally posted by Spin Laden
Careful what you do while you're single. That could effect your psyche, values, self esteem when you meet the person you want to spend more time with. You should practise good relationship habits, then you'll be ready when the time comes.. easier said than done, of course. You don't want to jump into something serious with baggage from the day or week before as it doesn't just disappear into thin air. It's not like a light switch at all.
-- Dr Phil-th :p |
Haha Dr. Phil... :clown: |
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| Jem_hadar |
| quote: | Originally posted by StereoPrincess
Every relationship is an entity of it's own. It's very difficult to judge if something is too fast or too slow. You have to just go with the flow and do what feels right in each instance. Being careful and waiting around is sometimes the wrost thing for a relationship. Moving in before your married? Again, it's a separate issue for each relationship. Telling yourself now that you will never do it could potentially set up blockades along the road to happiness.
Setting time lines and rules never works. Love has no rules and follows no timelines. It could take you 2 years or 2 minutes to fall in love with someone and know it's right or wrong. |
Sooooo right, Margs. I couldn't agree more with everything you said. |
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| Spam |
| quote: | Originally posted by English Rachel
Hmmm, rushing. I totally understand where you are coming from but at 27 (at the time) you think that you know, more or less, what you want out of a partner. Honestly, I would do the same again, I think 6 months is long enough to get to know someone - let's face it, people get married in far less time. As for going home to England, I was going anyway and he just came along.
I, too, am very picky and have been single far more than in a relationship during my adult life. No offence, especially as you speak such wise words, but at 21, I thought I had all the time in the world too. |
Don't get me wrong, 6 months CAN be TOTALLY long enough to figure out you want to spend the rest of your life with a person. I'm just saying that lots of people RUSH the relationship, rather than going with the flow. Every relationship has it's own pace, and it's best to follow it along naturally, as soon as you push a relationship, it'll push right back. But 6 months can also be way too short a time with a guy like your ex who hides who he really is to stay with you. That's why you gotta test your man. How? Hell if I know any specifics, but I'm sure girls mags give tons of testing tips.
As for people getting married in far less time, you are correct. They also tend to get divorced in far less time too. Marriage is treated as a novelty these days, and it's a shame it's come to that. To me, marriage is sacred, and putting in the time to find the right girl is worth it.
And I am under no belief that I have all the time in the world, but I DO have a good 4 or 5 years before I need to hit the panic button, so I'll do my best to use those years wisely. :) |
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| Spam |
| quote: | Originally posted by DiskoBiskit
Thats a bit daft I am afraid as you never get to know someone until you live with them. English Rach found that out, as did I. You move in with your man, and THEN you find out the bad habits (coughing up flem every morning, need I go on...) and this is the sort of thing you need to decide if you can deal with every morning for the next few years, 10 years, 20 years or 50. I have been through this living with a man for 6 years. Things grate on you, but you realise that you piss them off too sometimes.. (make-up everywhere, too many clothes, being anal over dishes / items being in correct place)
Sadly it's all give and take. If you have trust, friendship, love and respect for each other it will last a long time. I'm not saying my relationship was perfect - far from it. Trust was broken numerous times, but rebuilt and the relationship made stronger. Like someone else said on this forum - it's an ongoing daily process. |
I don't think it's daft at all. Many studies have shown that people who live in together before marriage are more likely to get divorced. And I've seen examples of it in my life as well.
Your examples of bad habits are things that I assume my future wife will have. EVERY person in the world has grosse and annoying habits. But coughing up flem in the morning, although gross to some, is a horrible excuse to divorce a person who is the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. When I get married, I expect that my wife will have living habits that will catch me off-guard and annoy me. I don't have a veil over my eyes that says "MY relationship will be different from everyone elses! So my partner will not ever annoy me with their habits!" Those things aren't what are important in a relationship, and if they are to you, I really hope you learn to relax a little and remember that you have those same annoying habits. I don't care if I date my wife for 10 years before we're married, only to find out AFTERWARDS that she picks her nose, who cares? It doesn't affect who she is as a person, nor does it change that certain 'it' about her that would make me want to marry her in the first place. |
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