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Why Women Love bad boys (pg. 11)
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| Spam |
| quote: | Originally posted by zokissima
I kind of find this weird. It takes you three months to figure out whether or not you like someone and want to give it a shot? So all your relationships absolutely MUST go somewhere in order for them to be worth it. I don't mean to jump at you, but maybe you're just a coward of being hurt/not having your expectations met... |
I don't think I'm a coward at all. I fully accept that any relationship has its risks for getting hurt and not having my expectations met. But to answer your question, yes. For me to have a relationship with a girl, I have to be confident in the probability that the relationship will go somewhere. That's the point isn't it? You date a person to figure out whether or not you want to marry them, and thus, spend the rest of your life with them. Just because a girl knocks me off my feet the first time I meet her doesn't mean she's relationship material. In the month that I 'date' her before a relationship gets started up, I may find out a bunch of things about her that immediately exclude her from marriage material, in which case I just saved a lot of hurt and heartbreak for both of us.
| quote: | | Personally, I think there is nothing wrong with jumping right in. If you like someone, you can show restraint, fine, but just as with arguing, taking a risk and jumping in is a passionate thing to do. |
It's a passionate thing to do, yes. But it can also be a foolish thing to do. You can 'date' a girl without getting too serious about things before deciding to make it a serious relationship, that's when I make up my mind.
| quote: | | Regardless of whether or not it works out, as Rachel pointed out, it makes you a stronger person, and you're better for it in the end. |
Yes it does, so does showing restraint. There are plenty of girls that I had the wisdom to fall back from that I thought I was in love with when I was younger. Looking back on it, and knowing who they are now. I know that I would have regretted the decision had I 'jumped right in'. On the flip side, there are girls I didn't date back then because I felt the timing wasn't right, I kept in contact, made friends with them, and I've even done the relationship thing for a few months with a few of them only to find that they just weren't right for me. In both cases, I've become a stronger person for my decisions.
It can take an instant, or it can take years to fall for a person. If it takes an instant, I like to restrain myself just a moment to give the situation a logical pass through my head. Usually I find that 'love at first sight' is not much more than just a really cool girl giving a great first impression. If it takes years, it's usually because over the years, a good, solid girl has consistently been in my head, until it grows into something, and I'm much less suspicious about my feelings.
I've only regretted NOT dating a girl once in my life. And as chance would have it, we met up after 2 years of not even seeing eachother just a few months ago and things are right back where we ended off. I learned my lesson, and this time around, I will NOT be making the same mistake, and I'm going for it. I'll be sure to let anyone who's interested know how things turn out ;) |
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| Jem_hadar |
| quote: | Originally posted by Spam
I don't think I'm a coward at all. I fully accept that any relationship has its risks for getting hurt and not having my expectations met. But to answer your question, yes. For me to have a relationship with a girl, I have to be confident in the probability that the relationship will go somewhere. That's the point isn't it? You date a person to figure out whether or not you want to marry them, and thus, spend the rest of your life with them. Just because a girl knocks me off my feet the first time I meet her doesn't mean she's relationship material. In the month that I 'date' her before a relationship gets started up, I may find out a bunch of things about her that immediately exclude her from marriage material, in which case I just saved a lot of hurt and heartbreak for both of us.
It's a passionate thing to do, yes. But it can also be a foolish thing to do. You can 'date' a girl without getting too serious about things before deciding to make it a serious relationship, that's when I make up my mind.
Yes it does, so does showing restraint. There are plenty of girls that I had the wisdom to fall back from that I thought I was in love with when I was younger. Looking back on it, and knowing who they are now. I know that I would have regretted the decision had I 'jumped right in'. On the flip side, there are girls I didn't date back then because I felt the timing wasn't right, I kept in contact, made friends with them, and I've even done the relationship thing for a few months with a few of them only to find that they just weren't right for me. In both cases, I've become a stronger person for my decisions.
It can take an instant, or it can take years to fall for a person. If it takes an instant, I like to restrain myself just a moment to give the situation a logical pass through my head. Usually I find that 'love at first sight' is not much more than just a really cool girl giving a great first impression. If it takes years, it's usually because over the years, a good, solid girl has consistently been in my head, until it grows into something, and I'm much less suspicious about my feelings.
I've only regretted NOT dating a girl once in my life. And as chance would have it, we met up after 2 years of not even seeing eachother just a few months ago and things are right back where we ended off. I learned my lesson, and this time around, I will NOT be making the same mistake, and I'm going for it. I'll be sure to let anyone who's interested know how things turn out ;) |
Dude, I ing love your posts. Your mind looks at and analyses things much in the same way and manner as mine does.
Thats really cool to see.
^5 to your explanation and points in your post! |
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| Spam |
| quote: | Originally posted by StereoPrincess
Every relationship is an entity of it's own. It's very difficult to judge if something is too fast or too slow. You have to just go with the flow and do what feels right in each instance. Being careful and waiting around is sometimes the wrost thing for a relationship. Moving in before your married? Again, it's a separate issue for each relationship. Telling yourself now that you will never do it could potentially set up blockades along the road to happiness. |
I agree that every relationship has it's own timeline and that you should go with the flow. There are no arguments here on that point. But forcing a relationship (ie. Rushing) is always a bad call, all the same. I think that a keeping a clear head in all situations is important because sometimes things 'feel' right, but really aren't in the long run. That's why a touch of logic to any feeling can work wonders. If you sit back for a week, a month, whatever, and it still feels right, then it's probably right. Patience is a virtue, and is totally seperate from inaction due to fear of getting hurt.
All that being said, I STILL will never move in with a girl until I am married to her. I believe that you can get to know someone perfectly well outside of living together, and if you don't, you're not asking the right questions when you're with her. I think it's no coindidence that as more and more people have started moving in together before marriage, that the divorce rate has skyrocketed at the same time.
| quote: | | Setting time lines and rules never works. Love has no rules and follows no timelines. It could take you 2 years or 2 minutes to fall in love with someone and know it's right or wrong. |
Agreed, but my 'rules' are more guidelines than anything, I should point out. What's important is that you have a personal check in place, to help you avoid making foolish decisions when your heart says one thing, but reality whispers another. |
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| dallastar |
very interesting!
i must say Spam you are a very profound writer! thanks |
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| Zeidoo |
The more you try to make relationship/attraction work, the more it fails.
Girls are attracted to bad boys because they don't try, let alone care. |
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| DiskoBiskit |
| quote: | Originally posted by The Highroller
+1. One of the most attractive qualities a girl can have (besides looks of course :D) is if she'll stand up to me and put me in my place when it's necessary (ie she has a strong personality). Strangely, I haven't found many girls my age like this. |
go to England babe. Loads of tough chicks over there. Or... get an older woman! :eek: I dare you! |
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| Provocative_boi |
| quote: | Originally posted by rabbitjoker
Interesting. |
+1 |
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| Cosmic Fur |
| quote: | Originally posted by Provocative_boi
*useless bump* |
fixed |
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| Provocative_boi |
| This thread has some really good points if you actually read. |
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| Cosmic Fur |
| Oh we've read it, around 10 months ago. |
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| yankeeBaby |
| I wanna bad boy for the night...... and a good boy for a lifetime *if* he is a bad boy in bed. plain and simple. |
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