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Do all people cheat? (pg. 20)
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| Yohan |
| quote: | Originally posted by Capo di tutti
Open Relationship?
Why don't leave your doors unlocked and keys in your car so everyone can use it at their leisure...
On op of everything else, STD's ing scare me...and i know everyone does NOT use protection all the time, or at one point hasn't even with a random.
As if i want to kiss or make love to significant other on a saturday or sunday morning after a bar night...the stench of or multiple cocks would literally make me vomit.
And vice versa for women, who wants to be tasting some chick who was an easy mark from the night before.
After bar sex which may include dancing at the bar beforehand can be one of the hardest stinks to get rid of in 12 hrs or less. |
lol what? |
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| Engine9 |
like Xavier said
theres no way u can have an open relationship if you care/love the person. If you love him/her the idea of somebody else touching or having intimate moments with your partner seems bizzare.
open relationship is for ppl who want to around, and have somebody to hang, be friends with and |
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| English Rachel |
Matty - I lol'd in my office. I would hope they shower in between but I get your point.
Miki - yes, I agree with the emotion part. As for the feminism comment, I potentially agree that there is some correlation but I don't think it is as a direct result. Empowerment manifests itself in many ways.
Yohan - we do share similar viewpoints on lots of things and I don't take that as a slam at all :) You have a good head on your shoulders.
Kels - *BIG HUG* and I will say it again, I am not judging AT ALL. Not at all. There isn't much in the world that I don't understand (except AWFUL stuff) so for this to be such a sticking point for me is perplexing. I think I am open minded and modern in my approach to life in general - just not with this.
Perhaps me being a slut for the time I was single has meant I have shagged my 'quota' lol! |
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| Silky Johnson |
| quote: | Originally posted by English Rachel
me being a slut |
Tell me more. :gsmile:
Hahah sorry. It's my week off. :/ |
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| Xavier Moriarty |
| quote: | | Do you trust your SO that much, that in an open relationship you can believe that he/she just wants sex and have no emotional attachment? |
just sex???? well if shes with me and she wants "just sex" on the side she can just shoot me in the head. i honestly do not understand the concept of this. |
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| English Rachel |
| quote: | Originally posted by Yohan
Do you trust your SO that much, that in an open relationship you can believe that he/she just wants sex and have no emotional attachment?
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I don't want to have sex with anyone else, I don't want to kiss anyone else, I would die inside if Adam did too.
We have a deep and mature relationship, openness is just something that doesn't feature in our list of needs and wants. I appreciate that couples are different, the only point I am trying to make is that I DON'T GET IT :)
Jenny - I blame the alcohol! ;) |
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| kaniz |
| quote: | Originally posted by Xavier Moriarty
i think it has to do a lot with where we live. back home there is no concept of "open relationship". family comes first. there is cheating, no doubt about it but nothing like open relationship.
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See, I'd rather 'be in the loop' and know what's going on if my partner is shagging someone on the side. If "cheating" is going to happen, I'd rather know about it, and be on terms that we can both live with / agree with, in which case things shift a bit more away from "cheating" to "being open". |
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| Capo di tutti |
| quote: | Originally posted by kaniz
See, I'd rather 'be in the loop' and know what's going on if my partner is shagging someone on the side. If "cheating" is going to happen, I'd rather know about it, and be on terms that we can both live with / agree with, in which case things shift a bit more away from "cheating" to "being open". |
Why not just be friends then? If cheating is going to happen, i dont think there should be a relationship.
I believe in crimes of passion
i would kill them both:disbelief |
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| Yohan |
| quote: | Originally posted by Engine9
like Xavier said
theres no way u can have an open relationship if you care/love the person. If you love him/her the idea of somebody else touching or having intimate moments with your partner seems bizzare.
open relationship is for ppl who want to around, and have somebody to hang, be friends with and |
From Robin Hood: Men in Tights
Maid Marian: You can have my body, but you'll never have my love
Sheriff Nottingham: Well, one can't have everythin, I suppose.
:p
My point is, what is more valuable, the body or the soul?
Just something else to think about :) |
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| kaniz |
But, friends that you want to spend the rest of your life with? build a life with? work towards common goals? have a deeper level of connection/commitment that you have with other people? someone that you look upto / love / admire / respect and does the same to you? someone that makes you want to live up to your full potential? who has your back when no body else will, but isn't afraid to tell you to suck it up when needed?
There are many factors that are important to me in a relationship beyond "who is sleeping with who" - and as long as that "who is sleeping with who" is handled in an open / honest manner on terms that both parties can agree with - being 100% exclusive inst necessarily the answer all the time (for me at least).
Just playing a bit of a devils advocate here. My current relationship is 'pretty much' monog (if anything happens, it happens together). That being said, if he ended up fooling around with someone and let me know within a reasonable period of time and didnt try and hide it from me - it wouldn't be the end of the world or our relationship.
However, if he did fool around, hid it from me, and I found out about it through some other person than from him - then I'd be pissed.
If it became a regular thing and happening pretty frequently - then I'd probably start to take some issue with it.
*shrug*, guess it's a bit of ' happens, deal with it' way of approaching it, and dealing with it doesnt necessarily mean givin them the boot. |
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| yankeeBaby |
| quote: | Originally posted by Engine9
like Xavier said
theres no way u can have an open relationship if you care/love the person. If you love him/her the idea of somebody else touching or having intimate moments with your partner seems bizzare.
open relationship is for ppl who want to around, and have somebody to hang, be friends with and |
not for me it isnt. Thats how YOU feel about your own relationshpis, but its not how WE feel. To be clear, I havent taken my "options" In over a couple years. ;) I truly love my man, and dont feel the need to go sleep with people all of the time. its an OPTION. We have a great relationship, and because of that I dont feel like I WANT to be with 5000 other people. Like I said, we arent open to be "sluts." I DO NOT like sleeping around and am very picky. (I feel like I am repeating myself, but I can see that people are not readin back more than 2 pages, thus......repeated statements).
As for the rules, I wrote some of them a while back, but to get the jist:
1000% protection all the time PERIOD. Can NOT be budged on!!
WE dont set a "number" but we also discuss NOT abusing this rule (ie: dont go out and sleep around, its for those very FEW instances we wish to stray).
No dating, no spending time with the other person, (etc...a bunch of specific rules on the "emotional" aspect of being with someone else.) We do NOT condone emotional attathcments or anything beyond sexual exploration (nor do we *want* them!!) The LOVE is for us, and if we feel the need to LOVE others or spend emotional energy on them, then its time to pack our bags.
^^there are more specifics but you get the point. And PLEASE for the love of god, stop referring to people who are open as "sluts" or "swingers"...while some people ARE on those relationships (and there is nothing wrong with that either), there are some people who do not WANT to sleep around. We just feel as if we have our whole lives to be together and are having fun and leaving the option while we are young and not married. Once we are married, OR someone decides its not for them anymore, the "open" will become closed.
rachel I appreciate you attempting to be openminded :) lol I can see right thru the computer screen that this is hard for you! haha! :) :) :stongue: |
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| Xavier Moriarty |
| quote: | Originally posted by kaniz
But, friends that you want to spend the rest of your life with? build a life with? work towards common goals? have a deeper level of connection/commitment that you have with other people? someone that you look upto / love / admire / respect and does the same to you? someone that makes you want to live up to your full potential? who has your back when no body else will, but isn't afraid to tell you to suck it up when needed?
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thats exactly what im trying to understand.
can you really have all those wonderfull things with somebody who wants to on the side?? or with somebody who "just" wants to have that optin?
yankee no dissrespect im just trying to understand |
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