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Is too much sexual experience a turnoff? (pg. 12)
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| Beat Blog |
| quote: | Originally posted by Theresa
If I found out he had slept with 45 people, I would probably re-evaluate my attraction to him. Is he just a schmoozer? Sweet talks the ladies, s 'em then chucks 'em? Does he have issues with commitment? Etc. etc. |
Hypothetically, if you found out a guy you'd been seeing for say...6 months had screwed that many women, wouldn't you feel honoured that he felt more for you than the other 45 bitches he slept with for merely one or five nights?
Or perhaps you'd question his faithfulness. :disbelief
Barbina, you're so full of crap. I caught you out and you know it. |
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| squirrelly |
Theresa, what if it's an older guy? Are you really expecting someon in their thirties to have only been with 10 girls or less?
What I don't understand is why anyone is concerned about it in the first place. Who cares, it's in the past. They're with you now.
This is where insecurities stems from. Asking THAT question makes a girl feel inadequate if she's had less under her belt. Or she starts worrying about if she's 'as good' as all the the other girls. Numbers mean absolutely nothing. Someone (guy or girl) could have been with 50 girls/guys, and until they met the right person, didn't settle down. That doesn't make them any less of a good person.
If you're secure with yourself, you won't care about the number.
And personally I think it looks very immature and petty when you're asking those kinds of questions. |
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| XaNaX |
| quote: | Originally posted by squirrelly
Theresa, what if it's an older guy? Are you really expecting someon in their thirties to have only been with 10 girls or less?
What I don't understand is why anyone is concerned about it in the first place. Who cares, it's in the past. They're with you now.
This is where insecurities stems from. Asking THAT question makes a girl feel inadequate if she's had less under her belt. Or she starts worrying about if she's 'as good' as all the the other girls. Numbers mean absolutely nothing. Someone (guy or girl) could have been with 50 girls/guys, and until they met the right person, didn't settle down. That doesn't make them any less of a good person.
If you're secure with yourself, you won't care about the number.
And personally I think it looks very immature and petty when you're asking those kinds of questions. |
yeah no , if a girl starts asking those questions or volunteering her number to try to get that info that is a ing red flag that a storm is on the horizon with her. Time to move on to someone who is less insecure. |
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| Theresa |
| quote: | Originally posted by squirrelly
Theresa, what if it's an older guy? Are you really expecting someon in their thirties to have only been with 10 girls or less?
What I don't understand is why anyone is concerned about it in the first place. Who cares, it's in the past. They're with you now.
This is where insecurities stems from. Asking THAT question makes a girl feel inadequate if she's had less under her belt. Or she starts worrying about if she's 'as good' as all the the other girls. Numbers mean absolutely nothing. Someone (guy or girl) could have been with 50 girls/guys, and until they met the right person, didn't settle down. That doesn't make them any less of a good person.
If you're secure with yourself, you won't care about the number.
And personally I think it looks very immature and petty when you're asking those kinds of questions. |
It really has nothing to do with security. I have always known how many partners my partners have had, and have never had any concerns about feeling "adequate" or have put any more thought into it than the first few moments after finding out. That being said, all of my partners have had more than me, one had significantly more than me.
Maybe it's a different perspective on it. I am not threatened by the idea at all, and I am not concerned about the "experience" or what have you. I just simply want insight into their sexual behaviour. It's purely a tool to determine a persons habits, assuming they aren't lying.
I never said I would expect someone in their 30's to be under the 10 people mark, but I also don't think that being in your 30's means your number should be in the 30's too.
Logically, I think it says a lot about a persons character and behaviours. A man who is sexually promiscuous may have difficulties with commitment, may have issues with security, may have lax morals or values regarding relationships, may be a "charmer", etc. etc. Then again, he may be none of those, but there a lot of things that you can get a flag for by knowing that number, and if I am looking for someone who I may potentially decide to stay with indefinitely, I would prefer to know and understand them in depth so that I can prepare.
There was a guy that I was somewhat interested in *not seriously*, and I asked out of curiousity. His number was unusually high, which set off a flag and naturally, I became wary. Turns out he is a big player and has serious commitment problems. I managed to avoid being one of the many many women who have been suckered in by this guy... and I'm glad.
I am sure there are studies on it, but I gotta go to work. |
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| Slylee |
| quote: | Originally posted by Theresa
I have always known how many partners my partners have had, and have never had any concerns about feeling "adequate" or have put any more thought into it than the first few moments after finding out. |
then what was the point in asking? |
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| Theresa |
| quote: | Originally posted by XaNaX
yeah no , if a girl starts asking those questions or volunteering her number to try to get that info that is a ing red flag that a storm is on the horizon with her. Time to move on to someone who is less insecure. |
Are you sure that your fear of revealing your number is not a sign of insecurity in itself?
How is being comfortable with your own and other peoples sexuality a sign of insecurity?
You may be right though, maybe the majority of people who want to know are ultimately insecure.
I guess for me, I want to be with someone who shares similar values and goals as myself, someone who feels the same way about commitment and love. If you have had 45 partners, chances are you aren't on the same page as me, and it's a quick and easy indicator to find out. |
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| elFreak |
Survey says?
1.Theresa's posts still come off as insecure (83)
2.bas(10)
3.whores can love too (4)
4.there is a difference between sex with someone you care about.(3)
Thank you for playing Ta family feud. |
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| squirrelly |
| quote: | Originally posted by Theresa
Are you sure that your fear of revealing your number is not a sign of insecurity in itself?
How is being comfortable with your own and other peoples sexuality a sign of insecurity?
You may be right though, maybe the majority of people who want to know are ultimately insecure.
I guess for me, I want to be with someone who shares similar values and goals as myself, someone who feels the same way about commitment and love. If you have had 45 partners, chances are you aren't on the same page as me, and it's a quick and easy indicator to find out. |
Who said anything about being "afraid to reveal" a number? Being comfortable with your own / your partners sexuality has nothing to do with knowing how many partners they have had. The number of people they slept with should not affect your feelings for the person at all. Chances are you were attracted to the person sexually first, personality later. So what does that say about you?
How many partners you have is no indicator whatsoever about someone's commitment levels. Enjoying safe sexual activities and having a relationship are two different things. Being in the business I am, I find out a lot about personal lives. You'd be surprised how many people were very sexually active, and did not hold very many relationships because the women they met did not hold the qualities they wanted to start a relationship. So they were in their 30s, had many partners, but say only 1 or 2 serious relationships (maybe a few little ones lasting a few months but that doesn't count), but then met the right person, fell head over heels in love, and became the most wonderful, committed men.
Honestly I think you're mindset is still very young if you're insisting on knowing about past sexual/relationship history. Those kind of things do not matter as much as the compatability with the person and your lifestyles once you become a little more mature relationship-wise. |
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| Slylee |
Actually...
I just thought about it, and I can understand where Jennypie & Theresa are coming from. It has to do with viewing sex as something special and sacred and they want to be with someone who, like them, doesn’t take it lightly or give it to just anyone.
I’m not a slut, but I’ve had my share of hookups. I don’t go to clubs and go home with random dudes or anything like that…that’s never been my thing. But I do enjoy being intimate and I love kissing and cuddling and having sex with someone I’m digging. That’s just how I am. I’m an intimate person I enjoyed each experience I’ve had. I don’t regret any of them or feel guilty about any of them. It has helped me figure out what I want in a man, sexually and emotionally. It’s a part of growing for me, but I know not everyone is like that. I just personally don't really care about how many girls my guy has been with...it's pointless to know because I won't judge them for it. |
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| elFreak |
| quote: | Originally posted by Slylee
I’m not a slut |
and he's not a nazi.
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| L.E.N. |
| quote: | Originally posted by Theresa
I just simply want insight into their sexual behaviour. It's purely a tool to determine a persons habits, assuming they aren't lying.
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Psychology major? |
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| Slylee |
| quote: | Originally posted by elFreak
and he's not a nazi.
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lol
well i guess it's all relative. i personally don't view myself as a slut and i don't really think that the number of people you have slept with should determine whether or not a girl is a slut, but rather her movtive for sleeping with people. |
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