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Life lessons: The struggle, or lack thereof
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| ziptnf |
So my brother-in-law just got his and his wife's brand new house paid for IN FULL by his father-in-law (his wife's dad). This is a complicated story because she recently lost her mom/his wife and mother of his children to horrific bout of brain cancer. He's a VERY successful attorney and has generally lived by the "hard knock life" way of raising his children. After she passed, he became more involved in his children's lives, encouraging them to move back in with him and eventually buying their first home outright in cash. They will pay taxes and insurance but there is no mortgage. On one hand it's understandable that after losing his wife, this man would help direct his wealth to his children, but on the other hand I can't help feel like he went overboard.
Before this happened (just today) they were struggling to find new stable jobs and were living in a little apartment, going through things that normal people go through. This was their first time living together since they are Fundamentalist Christians that don't believe in sex/living together before marriage. She was going to go to Vet school and become an animal nutritionist or something like that, but ended up not going. They ended up deciding to move back to their hometown to live with their parents. Now all of a sudden they are homeowners.
What are your thoughts? Are they missing important life lessons on budgeting and the struggle of facing the real world without the safety net of her father? My wife and I would be ing LIT if we didn't have to fork over a mortgage payment every month. Just seems like they took the easy road, and got a beautiful, new, 2 story home handed to them on a silver platter without any struggle or hard work to show for it. |
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| Silky Johnson |
| I wonder what Nou would think? *strokes chin* |
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| Moral Hazard |
That's a pretty great gift.
Are they missing out on a life lesson, maybe; however, buying a home isn't the only way to learn that lesson. I'm sure they will still struggle with finances but that struggle will be less. I'm not sure that's a bad thing. |
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| ziptnf |
| quote: | Originally posted by Moral Hazard
I'm sure they will still struggle with finances |
That's the thing - they won't. Not while he's just down the street. Daddy will take care of any problems they have, and that's a slippery slope.
From a parenting perspective, I'm a major supporter of "helping" with difficult situations, rather than outright "doing" them. If he would have put down a strong down payment to help get them stabilized, I would probably be applauding his efforts. But instead, he removed the difficult situation (aka mortgage) completely. And to me, that's not good parenting. How does one understand what something is like if they can't do it themselves? How will they pass these important lessons onto their children? It's a vicious cycle of spoiling and I hope they don't let it get to their heads. |
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| Silky Johnson |
| We're talking about adult children, yes? Because ultimately none of this matters based on that. Whatever life lessons they need/needed to learn should have been ingrained (or not) in them already. They aren't just magically going to learn life skills now. Constructive habits and good decision making are things that need to be taught from early childhood. |
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| ziptnf |
Yeah, you're absolutely right. Both of them have good heads on their shoulders. They are well-adjusted, goodie-two-shoes type of people who don't smoke/drink/do drugs/anything un-Christianlike at all.
, maybe I'm just salty.
But in general, I think it sets a bad precedent. My whole point is that one of the most significant challenges of adulthood has been removed from their lives, and I think it was a mistake. Too much reliance on her father and too little reliance on their own capabilities as adults. |
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| Silky Johnson |
Well, like I said it depends on how they were raised to begin with. I don't really see it as a detriment if they are already capable of managing life's stressors on their own. They aren't all of a sudden going to regress because of one incident of getting help, no matter how big or small or expensive or whatver. And if they are grateful/appreciative people and not spoiled entitled cunts, then all the power to them.
We live in unstable times enough without having to experience all of those other personal issues that impact our lives for the better or worse, how fortunate for them that they have one less worry (if not THE biggest worry) to cloud their ability to focus on making positive life choices.
And if they ARE cunts, then 'em. It's their life, they are free to it up however they want, lol. |
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| ziptnf |
| quote: | Originally posted by Silky Johnson
I don't really see it as a detriment if they are already capable of managing life's stressors on their own. |
Well, that's where it gets tricky. He has been spoiled growing up, and can hardly handle any basic problems in life without calling his mom/dad and panicking. She seems to be more level-headed but lacks some life skills as well, just much less-so than her husband.
They aren't entitled s, they were just raised with kid gloves and this further exacerbates that issue. |
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| Silky Johnson |
| Well ok then. I will refer to my original post then (not the Nou post, lol). Getting them that house or not really has no bearing on his learning some kind of life lesson. He would have already learned that by now, a long ass time ago. And obviously the wife is enabling him. |
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| SYSTEM-J |
| I think most people know someone like this who, through whatever circumstances, haven't really had to work hard in life and are still extremely comfortable. Occasionally you might feel an itch of jealousy, but as long as their relative lack of struggle hasn't turned them into pricks, I don't think there's much point dwelling on it. Wealth and privilege are a ladder, and there'll always be someone below who could look up at you and feel exactly the same way. |
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| ziptnf |
| I guess it isn't so much of a "life lesson" as it is a hardship that most adults go through that builds a stronger character. Your point is that perhaps they will attain that character without having a mortgage, and that may be true. Still doesn't make me any less salty :p |
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| Silky Johnson |
Sure, but ehhh it's just a mortgage. There ARE plenty of other situations that contribute significantly to building character. And you have to remember that everyone experiences the world and their place in it in a way that is unique to them, so it really isn't up to you to say what the right or best way to build character is. Independence, self-efficacy, resilience...all can be fostered in any number of ways that don't include paying bills, although money and debt management are kind of huge.
That said, it is definitely plainly ing obvious when people could have used certain specific kicks in the ass for them not be goddamn morons. :) :p |
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