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Getting older and losing friends (pg. 4)
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| Lira |
| quote: | Originally posted by Lews
I certainly have suggestions on ways to meet new people, other than through friends-of-friends, but many of my suggestions may seem a bit out-of-touch with reality :p |
Come on, we won't make (too much) fun of you if you say you can make friends in the fox hunting group you go golfing with :D
(Seriously, though, I'm curious) |
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| Jon_Snow |
| Fox hunt :haha: scenes from Downton Abbey keeping popping into my head. |
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| Spacey Orange |
That other thread was a little depressing, but I like many of you find myself in the same boat. Surely there is something that can be done. Seems kind of ty to live like this.
So what say you? |
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| ziptnf |
| Why do we need a new thread for the exact same subject? |
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| Silky Johnson |
Start a family instead. I mean yeah, everybody dies alone regardless, but I do wonder if people who decide not to have kids really think about how life is gonna be if they're still alive beyond their 70s. You can make your friends your family, but your friends are gonna die or get busy with their own lives, and then where are you?
I only say this based on what I see in the hospital. |
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| Lira |
| quote: | Originally posted by Spacey Orange
That other thread was a little depressing, but I like many of you find myself in the same boat. Surely there is something that can be done. Seems kind of ty to live like this. |
It was a bit redundant to have a thread about the problem and another one about the solution when there were some solutions thrown in here already.
I hope you don't mind, but I've merged your thread with the previous one. |
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| Silky Johnson |
| On a related note, I keep deleting people from Facebook and still always have the next handful of people ready to delete. Goal is to one day have it be a very tight group of legit friends and family, and a handful of socially strategic friends I know through parties and/or the internet. Down to just 190 peeps now. |
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| SYSTEM-J |
| Well, my own resolution since coming to this realisation is to make sure I dedicate the time and energy to keeping in touch with my friends. It's a bit deflating that the number of people I can spontaneously go for a drink with has dwindled to almost nothing, but I'm still going to be spending the next few weekends with friends. |
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| Trance-M |
| quote: | Originally posted by SYSTEM-J
dedicate the time and energy to keeping in touch with my friends. |
That's what it's all about.
But unfortunately it has to come from both sides.
Once there are children they absorb both, so parents are forced to make choices. At the same time one can meet new friends, who often are in the same situation. But mostly those won't be like the friends you had before. |
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| Silky Johnson |
^^^
On the two posts above, that's why I have always kept my friend group pretty small. Sure, I have a large periphery of friends and acquaintances, but my actual core group of dependable friends is limited precisely because meaningful relationships need to be nurtured, and it's impossible to make adequate time for everyone.
I have unique relationships with each of my inner circle and have just enough friends that it isn't difficult to make time for them; I couldn't fathom these relationships just fizzling due to neglect.
Ending any of my friendships would have to be because of some overt issue that we are unable to resolve. Until last year I'd never had a friendship break up for any reason.
I wonder if many people simply take their friendships for granted? It's easy to do when you get busy with life and whatnot. |
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| DJ RANN |
I really think it's a natural progression and happens to everyone. There's a filtering that goes on as you get older as your priorities, pressures, work life, social needs change etc.
My experience was that I realized at some point, I was hanging out with certain people just because we'd grown up or gone to school together, it was really proximity more than anything else. I started to realize that I probably wouldn't be close friends with these people if I met them now and not that they're evil or dumb (etc) just that it's comfort/nostalgia/familiarity that keeps you in contact. I find it a bit odd when people are mainly hanging around with people they went to school with 20 years before. Kinda if I wanted to be in touch, I would.
For me, the tightening of the circle happened a bit earlier as I moved countries (twice) and that had a filtering effect; you only really stay in touch with the people that you want to. Of course, made a lot of new friends and now I'm in my 30's, I probably have better and closer friends than I did 15 years ago, albeit far less.
It also comes down to where you are in your life, and sometimes you're just so far away from where you used to be, when these friends made sense, that you drift.
For instance, I'm not going to get faced on a Wednesday night with a bunch of people when i have an meeting with my employees the next morning. It becomes increasingly difficult to be on the same social plane as friends who have 9-5 jobs, completely free weekends and don't even think about work when they're clocked out. By the same token, some of my friends had babies years ago, and they're just in such a different place. Their life is understandably nappies and early night and early rises, where as I don't get off work until 8pm. I make an effort but again, it's difficult to be on the same plane. there's also those friends that are just constantly drama, it's how they're wired and aint nobody got time for that once you're 25.
I don't give a about a big group of friends - I learned a long time ago that even your closest friends can be fickle when it comes down to money or doing the right thing - I just like having a few people that I can really rely on and I see a future with, and we're heading in the same direction. |
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| JEO |
I guess this is only a problem for people who actually want human interaction. I only have about 5 close friends including my girlfriend, and I'm pretty happy about it. I used to have more close friends, but it always went the way that when you bow to someone, you show your behind to others; some friendships got stronger, some faded away. With my current friends we have a WhatsApp group where we talk daily, and we see each other about once a week and do cabin trips and other things together. Can't imagine not brushing my teeth with buckshot if I had to maintain more close friendships than this.
I have of course "lost" many friends due to them starting some crazy career or a family, or me moving to a new town for university, but we still occasionally talk online.
Family and parents make great friends if you are ready to meet them halfway. If you don't spend time with them now, trust me, you'll regret it the day they are gone. I've seen so many people form a stronger relationship when the other one is on their death bed that it really makes me sad I only see my parents about once a month.
Also, how do you people make "friends" at the workplace? After each workday I'm ready to light the office on fire when I'm leaving. |
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