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In search of romance (pg. 16)
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| Lira |
| quote: | Originally posted by DigiNut
To you, and to Lira as well, I think again that the whole point of this line of reasoning is that the lack of an objective definition (which did exist in the past, but doesn't anymore) leads to the potential for perverted misuse. |
Well, everything can be (unfortunately) misused. Notice that I said that it was a way of showing affection "in a not obsessive way", i.e. respecting the feelings of the other person involved :)
| quote: | Originally posted by DigiNut
And that is not to say that everyone misuses it, but many do, they use it to their advantage to excuse their actions and to manipulate others. Why? Because words like romance and love evoke positive emotions, so when you hear someone talking like that, you're inclined to listen and agree. |
I agree with you on this :)
| quote: | Originally posted by DigiNut
But what's important, and often ignored, is that those people as individuals understand what they mean by it and don't change it at a whim just to get whatever they want. |
Could you please re-write it using other words? I can't understand this part :(
| quote: | Originally posted by DigiNut
Maturity is the operative word in all this, and I noticed you using that word Lira - that's a subjective term too but I think we can all agree that a really "mature" person is selfless enough not to do those things, and I think that's pretty much the key to making it work. You're lucky to have found someone who knows what she wants, because a lot of them really don't. |
But every definition/adjective is subjective, isn't it? This is the hardest part when it comes to relatinships, I guess: to view and respect the world seen by the eyes of the other person involved. And this is true for any relatioship: love, friendship or business.
I'm lucky indeed :tongue2 (I'll drop the lovey-dovey part now :D)
| quote: | Originally posted by Mr. Pink
cuz you can't truly express in words what you truly feel...not exactly. Language is merely the attempt. |
Werd :)
| quote: | Originally posted by Mr. Pink
So can we all just say that expressions and essentially just being there, existing with that significant other as a collective unit, while at the same time maintaining individual lives is what we hope to accomplish? |
It depends on the person's goals, doesn't it? :) |
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| Mr. Pink |
| quote: | Originally posted by Lira
It depends on the person's goals, doesn't it? :) |
True, but as far as "romance" and all that "happily ever after" business goes. That's what I had in mind :)
But seriously now...isn't the important issue here is whether a woman can knit you a sweater or not? I mean, isn't that what every man truly wants in life? Knitters rock.:happy2: |
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| DigiNut |
| quote: | Originally posted by Lira
Could you please re-write it using other words? I can't understand this part :( |
What I'm saying is that even though romance/love mean different things for different people, the important thing is for those people to KNOW what it means to THEM. But a lot of times people don't know what it really means to them - their meaning changes all the time based on what they happen to want at the time. So instead of trying to understand themselves, they just change the meaning of the word whenever they feel like it in order to get what they want, and they expect other people to understand them.
Does that make more sense?
| quote: | | But every definition/adjective is subjective, isn't it? This is the hardest part when it comes to relatinships, I guess: to view and respect the world seen by the eyes of the other person involved. And this is true for any relatioship: love, friendship or business. |
Well let's not get into postmodernism here, but yes, a lot of things are subjective. That's why, if you want to make it work, you have to RESPECT the feelings and views of the other person and especially take into account things that you know make them feel bad.
Maybe some girl's definition of "romance" is having the guy always chase after her and do stuff for her, but maybe that guy needs reassurance too, and she needs to respect that and give a little too and not just play games in order to get the guy to chase her all the time. And obviously this goes both ways. People get too hung up on "being themselves" and forget that we don't function as isolated units, we interact with the world around us. We affect it and it affects us.
And I agree that it applies to all relationships, including friends and including casual acquaintances.
Oh also:
| quote: | Originally posted by Mr. Pink
So can we all just say that expressions and essentially just being there, existing with that significant other as a collective unit, while at the same time maintaining individual lives is what we hope to accomplish? |
That is pretty much what we all hope for, although it is kind of idealistic and omits certain details. :p I tend to be a little more realistic and realize that there will always be problems, part of making things work is being mature enough to solve them.
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| Mr. Pink |
| quote: | Originally posted by DigiNut
I tend to be a little more realistic and realize that there will always be problems, part of making things work is being mature enough to solve them.
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Yeah, problems are a gimme though. ANy one who thinks that no problems are going to be there sucks at life already lol |
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| Lira |
It's a shame I hardly get to wear sweaters where I live: either it's too warm but rainy or too dry but cold (which makes the cold more tolerable :p).
| quote: | Originally posted by DigiNut
What I'm saying is that even though romance/love mean different things for different people, the important thing is for those people to KNOW what it means to THEM. But a lot of times people don't know what it really means to them - their meaning changes all the time based on what they happen to want at the time. So instead of trying to understand themselves, they just change the meaning of the word whenever they feel like it in order to get what they want, and they expect other people to understand them.
Does that make more sense? |
Yes, I understand it now and I reckon this is the reason why people should work on themselves before jumping into a relationship.
| quote: | Originally posted by DigiNut
Well let's not get into postmodernism here, but yes, a lot of things are subjective. |
I can't help it :D
| quote: | Originally posted by DigiNut
That's why, if you want to make it work, you have to RESPECT the feelings and views of the other person and especially take into account things that you know make them feel bad.
Maybe some girl's definition of "romance" is having the guy always chase after her and do stuff for her, but maybe that guy needs reassurance too, and she needs to respect that and give a little too and not just play games in order to get the guy to chase her all the time. And obviously this goes both ways. People get too hung up on "being themselves" and forget that we don't function as isolated units, we interact with the world around us. We affect it and it affects us.
And I agree that it applies to all relationships, including friends and including casual acquaintances. |
I wholeheartedly agree. |
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| MysticStardust |
| quote: | Originally posted by Orbax
Mystic, did i not tell you the :rolleyes: pisses people off? |
hmmmm you did? intresting:rolleyes: |
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| ShadoWolf |
I'm a very big romantic. Unfortunately, depsite claims to the contrary, women do not go for romantics.
ShadoWolf's Law:
Women claim they want romance, but they always end up going for s (then complain about it). |
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| Arbiter |
| quote: | Originally posted by Mr. Pink
Don't get all nihilistic on us boy.
meaningless rationalization?
inherently irrational emotions?
de fuk?
how is caring for some one, and giving some love inherently irrational? |
Love and affections are irrational because they aren't the product of any logical reasoning. They're just feelings. No one, upon meeting another person, carefully weighs the characteristics of that person which they fight agreeable against those which they find disagreeable and then, if they find the person to be sufficiently agreeable as a whole, decides that they will love this person at which point, suddenly, they begin to experience the emotion "love."
Most people, however, try to explain their feelings by giving reasons (which is not the same as reason) for what they feel. In doing so, they are trying to "rationalize" their feelings. When someone talks about "romance" in a relationship, this is exactly what they are doing. They are trying to explain the positive feeling that their partner's actions are evoking by classifying those actions as "romantic."
There is, however, no apparent consistent basis for such a classification other than the feeling itself. As a result, different women - or even the same woman - frequently classify some set of actions as "romantic" at one point in time and fail to do so later. The only difference is not inherent to those actions, but found in the woman herself - how those actions make her feel.
That seems to be the only consistent basis for what romance is - how the woman feels in reaction to it. Now suppose you were trying to maintain a strong and loving relationship with some woman, and she complained that your relationship wasn't "romantic" enough.
What do you do?
What can you do?
The answer is nothing. Chances are, you're acting the same way you were before when your relationship was just fine. The only thing that has changed is the purely subjective feelings that your actions inspire. You have no way of knowing what, if any, actions you could undertake in order to evoke those feelings once again because "romance" doesn't have any objective definition.
Romance is a concept which women use to explain their feelings. However, since their perception of "romantic" or "not romantic" is the product of their feelings, it doesn't really explain anything at all. |
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| Mr. Pink |
| Arbiter...i see exactly what you're saying and it does make sense BUT the idea of emotions being irrational does not flow well with me. I think it's quite rational to feel, to have emotions and so on. Maybe the explanation on why we have them, or why they change so much isn't...but they themselves are a part of humanity as a whole. |
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| nchs09 |
| people that keep posting on the "in search of romance" thread need to get laid.....:p i kid i kid....... |
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| Mr. Pink |
| quote: | Originally posted by nchs09
people that keep posting on the "in search of romance" thread need to get laid.....:p i kid i kid....... |
lol i know i need to get laid.
im working on it tho!! that 12yr old looked mighty swell today ;):stongue: |
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| nchs09 |
| quote: | Originally posted by Mr. Pink
lol i know i need to get laid.
im working on it tho!! that 12yr old looked mighty swell today ;):stongue: |
:nervous: lucekly i know what u mean, if i didnt, i would be like PERVERT!!!!:p |
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