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another joke thread (pg. 10)
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View this Thread in Original format
| Omega_M |
| quote: | Originally posted by dj tek
lets not repeat bad jokes :whip: |
Here's a good one.
A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, " I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."
The driver says, " I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"
The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"
The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic £75 fine."
The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."
The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE... SHUT UP??"
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Madam?
"Only when he's been drinking." |
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| occrider |
| quote: | Originally posted by Omega_M
Here's a good one.
A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, " I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."
The driver says, " I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"
The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"
The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic £75 fine."
The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."
The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE... SHUT UP??"
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Madam?
"Only when he's been drinking." |
That is a good one. I like this one better:
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. |
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| washout |
| quote: | Originally posted by occrider
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. |
that is freaky, stop. |
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| mastersj |
| quote: | Originally posted by occrider
Ok I've been holding this one back, but I can'ts no longer.
Q: What did the Nazi say to the black Jew?
A: You get in the back of the oven. |
:stongue: |
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| Omega_M |
| quote: | Originally posted by washout
that is freaky, stop. |
I like your sig.
ervey ltitle bmup ew ith, i atallcy cosle ym eeys nad pary taht i nca tge bcak.
ew mdae a mtsikae .
ew wree ont soupsped ot lveae.
- jcak spehhard, lsot |
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| bas |
A man is pulled over for speeding and the officer approaches the window.
cop: "license and registration please"
man: "ok officer...what seems to be the problem?"
c: "well i clocked you going 80 in a 65, that's speeding"
m: "hmm that's fair I suppose, just don't look in the trunk"
c: "why's that?"
m: "that's where I put my dead bodies"
The officer arrests the man and immediately calls for backup while remaining on the scene. The officer's backup approaches and looks in the trunk. Finding nothing they return to the man.
backup: "sir there's nothing in your trunk."
m: "i know, that guy's a liar! he probably said i was speeding too!" |
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| Lira |
| quote: | Originally posted by Omega_M
I like your sig.
ervey ltitle bmup ew ith, i atallcy cosle ym eeys nad pary taht i nca tge bcak.
ew mdae a mtsikae .
ew wree ont soupsped ot lveae.
- jcak spehhard, lsot |
A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, " I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."
The driver says, " I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"
The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"
The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic £75 fine."
The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."
The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE... SHUT UP??"
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Madam?
"Only when he's been drinking." |
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| medinaM5 |
here's a good one
| quote: | Originally posted by Omega_M
Ok, so I just pmed Swamper to delete my account. I have become addicted to this forum, and I feel I must give more priority to other things. The only way I can do that is by deleting this account for now. |
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| [N]ûk|êû[Z] |
| quote: | Originally posted by Lira
A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, " I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."
The driver says, " I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"
The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"
The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic £75 fine."
The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."
The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE... SHUT UP??"
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Madam?
"Only when he's been drinking." |
LOL reading all that, i got half way through and it did my head in :p |
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| Omega_M |
| quote: | Originally posted by medinaM5
here's a good one |
glad he didn't delete it. :D 'sides, I sorted my problems. so i'm back. |
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| [N]ûk|êû[Z] |
| woooh wtf?!?!?! i quoted you and it read forwards what the is going on?.. i only had 5 cans of stella :S |
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| Lira |
| quote: | Originally posted by [N]ûk|êû[Z]
woooh wtf?!?!?! i quoted you and it read forwards what the is going on?.. i only had 5 cans of stella :S |
!etam ,LMTH fo srednow era esehT
^^^^ Try quoting that :p |
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