|
The worst books you've ever read
|
View this Thread in Original format
| Domesticated |
Which are the worst books you've read (that means finished), and why? No textbooks allowed.
I'll start, of course.
Ted Dekker - Boneman's Daughters.
This book is a New York Times bestseller. I was absolutely glued to it - for the reason that it was so bad I was actually laughing out loud. It was like watching a D-grade movie. I think I finished it in only two or three sittings.
The main character Ryan is an army strategist, and the author constantly reiterates how logical, intelligent and calculating this guy is. Through a series of improbable twists, Ryan gets framed as "the Boneman", a serial killer who captures young girls and breaks all their bones one by one. The story escalates when the boneman captures Ryan's daughter and he must simultaneously avoid the police and try to capture the real killer.
The Boneman demands that for Ryan to get his daughter back, he must capture the head of the investigation (who is dating Ryan's ex-wife), tie him down and break all his bones. Ryan does so, despite his impeccable logic. He also breaks into a radio station, holds the broadcasters at gun point and yells cryptic messages across the airwaves, breaks out of jail by snapping his own wrist, steals a cop's gun and shoots his way out of the room when initially he was only a suspect, and a raft of other .
The book culminates with Ryan burning down the Boneman's house while the Boneman is still inside, destroying all evidence that there was a real killer, while the cops are still after him. LOGIC, LOL.
It's also full of amazing cliches. Ryan has spent the last decade in Iraq, been tragically estranged from his wife and daughter as a result, and suffers from PTSD. The head of the investigation against him is a bullish man, and his young, upstart female opposite at the FBI believes Ryan is innocent...and became an agent because her alcoholic father died tragically in a motorbike crash.
The biggest clincher, however, is the author's little postscript at the back of the book. He claims that his daughter was in a relationship where her boyfriend used to hit her, and from this garden-variety wife beater, he got the inspiration to write a book about a serial killer who acts like Hannibal Lecter. Bravo! |
|
|
| Moongoose |
Weak plot, bad, inconsistent writing, one dimensional characters, enough depravity to make De Sade squirm and so much glorified violence that would make even the worst psychopath say "That is ed up".
Woudnt recommend it to anyone. |
|
|
| Meat187 |
| I sometimes go to the bookstore and skim through the new releases in thrillers / suspense. I swear to god, 95% are about a ing serial killer. :mad: :mad: :mad: |
|
|
| aNYthing |
| quote: | Originally posted by Meat187
I sometimes go to the bookstore and skim through the new releases in thrillers / suspense. I swear to god, 95% are about a ing serial killer. :mad: :mad: :mad: |
You know, most modern "best sellers" follow a well-established formula, much like anything else. YOu have a successful line and everyone just starts chugging along:
Twilight is a hit! Let's write every ing book imaginable about vampires!
Dan Brown is making a killing! Let's write about secret societies and mix in some historical "whatifs", yeah - that's the ticket!
O.M.G! Harry Potter? Let's have Larry Kettler, the teenage wizard, who is really a wimpy kid with ty Level 2 powers. Yeah, and his only friends are malnourished bisexual emo werewolves.
And of course... then there's this.
I wonder if the pages are soft...
I loved the review on amazon:
| quote: |
In the canon of Ewok literature, it's just a "C", January 7, 2011
By
suaspontemark
This review is from: A Shore Thing (Hardcover)
I still pine for the day when Wicket W. Warrick releases his memoirs of the Battle of Endor, but until then, we'll just have to settle for this excellent translation. It's one of the cleanest in the English language, where the grunts and vernacular of the vertically challenged and girth enhanced Ewok Snooki come across in all their simplicity. Though demonstrating a remarkable paucity of thought, we're endeared of this member of the species, and look forward to more as she gains her voice and hopefully develops a slightly higher IQ. Kudos to her translator, but it's unfortunate that the editor had such a dull source. It's entertaining, momentarily, to have exposure to the Ewok's earth culture of drinking, whoring, and tanning, but that wears out quickly and we're left with a book that is the 2011 version of Jessica Simpson's wedding planning guide. |
|
|
|
| psymon.d |
| quote: | Originally posted by Moongoose
Weak plot, bad, inconsistent writing, one dimensional characters, enough depravity to make De Sade squirm and so much glorified violence that would make even the worst psychopath say "That is ed up".
Woudnt recommend it to anyone. |
awesome |
|
|
| Zyklon_Jay |
The book starts out with, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...", at which point i put the book down because i have no ing time for authors that can't make up their minds. |
|
|
| netroM |
| I had to read "Heart of Darkness" for English class. Dunno if it counts. Didn't bother to read it either :P |
|
|
| infiniteJEST |
@Jay
Should have figured that out from the title alone Pip ol' chap. |
|
|
| Zyklon_Jay |
| it had the word dick on the cover, which is a prerequisite of mine. First time i was ever disappointed by this selection process. |
|
|
| infiniteJEST |
Was Pip even in that ? I might be thinking Great Expectations.
Maybe that has a dick in it; goes with the title. |
|
|
| Zyklon_Jay |
| yeah wrong dick book. |
|
|
| Meat187 |
The absolute worst book would be "Ein paar Leute suchen das Glück und lachen sich tot" (A bunch of people are looking for happiness and die laughing) by a cunt named Sibylle Berg.
I joined a literature group back in school and this was our first book. It's some post-modern style bull about depressed, ed-up people who do ed-up thing all day. Not only does the plot merely consist of sex, drugs, violence and suicides, her writing is also ridiculously bad. I never went back to the group. :o
Another mention goes to Juan Carlos Onetti - A brief Life. That one sucked hard. |
|
|
|
|
