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your cheeziest joke (pg. 12)
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View this Thread in Original format
| Lumps |
Me :: Wanna see something cool?
Them :: Ok
Me :: you're looking at it. |
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| D-res |
a horse walks into a bar. the bartender says, "hey, why the long face?"
:p
cheezage |
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| twisted420 |
there are two cows
one says "Moo"
the other one says: "Bastard! I was going to say that!" |
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| Polak |
What do you call someone who speaks one language?
"An American".
___________________
You might be an American if . . .
. . . you've never understood why there are plural forms of the words "cheese" and "bread".
. . . you think ketchup is a spice.
. . . all of your hats and T-shirts have logoes on them.
. . . you own more sneakers than any other kinds of shoes.
. . . You think that "European" refers to London, Paris, and Montreal.
. . . you think that courtesy is quaint.
_________________
How many American tourists does it take to change a light bulb?
Fifteen. Five to figure out how much the bulb costs in the local currency, four to comment on "how funny-looking" local lightbulbs are, three to hire a local person to change the bulb, two to take pictures, and one to buy postcards in case the pictures don't come out.
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| Nite-Mer |
| quote: | Originally posted by Polak
What do you call someone who speaks one language?
"An American".
___________________
You might be an American if . . .
. . . you've never understood why there are plural forms of the words "cheese" and "bread".
. . . you think ketchup is a spice.
. . . all of your hats and T-shirts have logoes on them.
. . . you own more sneakers than any other kinds of shoes.
. . . You think that "European" refers to London, Paris, and Montreal.
. . . you think that courtesy is quaint.
_________________
How many American tourists does it take to change a light bulb?
Fifteen. Five to figure out how much the bulb costs in the local currency, four to comment on "how funny-looking" local lightbulbs are, three to hire a local person to change the bulb, two to take pictures, and one to buy postcards in case the pictures don't come out.
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Those are good. I knew someone would fire back. I didn't mean any offense by my jokes by the way. I couldn't think of a good alternative to change it to. BTW, I speak three languages. |
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| SirSycott |
william tell walks into a bar, throws an apple, and hit's it with his apple, he says: "William tell, at your servicef"
bond walks into a bar, throws a glass in the air, shoots it with his pistol, he says: "Bond, James Bond,"
drunk guy walks into a bar, throws a brick, it hit's the bartender's head, he shoots the bartender in the foot, he says: "sorry, i'm so ing sorry" |
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| pooley |
You know the joke about Michael on the toilet?
me neiher, the door was closed |
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| st3nc |
me: have you seen the new movie Constapation?
dude: no i havn't
me: thats becasue it hasnt come out yet |
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| Mebot |
REPOST!!!!
i know this is a repost but for all the n00bs that hasn't seen this yet...
| quote: | HOW MANY FORUM MEMBERS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
53 to flame the spell checkers
41 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another
6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim *they* were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
156 to email the company's ISP complaining that they are in violation of their "acceptable use policy"
109 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a light bulb forum
203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum, and light bulb forum about changing light bulbs be stopped
111 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts *are* relevant to this forum
306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the
corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this
group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "Me three"
4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ
44 to ask what is a "FAQ"
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
143 to say "do a search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again
10 posters to claim the light bulb failed because of George Bush's policies
20 to denounce those 10 and blame the failure on the previous administration
1 to say that if you were any damn good at all you wouldn't need the
freaking light bulb
3 to say that those of you talking about light bulbs aren't working and should get back to work
1 to say there's really 7 that are burned out, the gov's lying to us that there's only 1 |
:p |
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| R.j. |
DONT GET OFFENDED DAMMIT:
what yellow from the outside and black from the inside..
a school bus full of nigg3rs
hah! |
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| XaNaX |
| quote: | Originally posted by R.j.
DONT GET OFFENDED DAMMIT:
what yellow from the outside and black from the inside..
a school bus full of nigg3rs
hah! |
Man that is horrible |
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| DJ_Bod |
what has two legs and bleeds profusely?
Half a cat. |
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