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BF/GFs who are friends with their exes (pg. 12)
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| Alex |
My dad killed people.
Am I cool too?:confused: |
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| Silky Johnson |
| quote: | Originally posted by Vlad
Evil and sick all at the same time. |
And horny! |
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| Vlad |
| quote: | Originally posted by jennypie
And horny! |
Wheres the lover boy to lay down the butth4x? |
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| narcism |
| i just realised i text a lot of people at 3-4am in the mornings :stongue: |
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| Fpcookie |
| quote: | Originally posted by Slylee
ok but then if that's the case, then i want to know why it's worth it to him to keep her around rather than just say ah it, since he's got this great new girl he is supposedly nuts about. why would he even create this whole situation? |
yeah, thats a big if though. it is (very) possible that they remain friends and only friends. i dont see the point in you getting worked up about this when there has been no indication of anything untoward going on.
just say she has a crack at him...
he shuts her down. he tells you. you say that bitch. he s her off.
until that happens (if at all) you just have to trust him imo.
| quote: | Originally posted by Slylee
if i was friends with an ex and i had this great new guy i was dating, the LAST ing thing on earth i would do is be like 'hey i want you to meet my ex bf, he is a great guy, you have nothing to worry about!"
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ok so maybe too soon for him to expect you to hang out with her?? definitely understandable
| quote: | Originally posted by Slylee
it's mostly just about what his priorities are and about respect. not about me thinking there is something going on. that's all.
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do you believe you are his first priority? from what you have said it seems this is true. in which case what are you worried about?
do you think he is disrespecting you by maintaining a friendship with her?
| quote: | Originally posted by narcism
i just realised i text a lot of people at 3-4am in the mornings :stongue: |
disrespectful homewrecker!! :p |
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| narcism |
| quote: | Originally posted by Fpcookie
disrespectful homewrecker!! :p |
yep, add that to the long list of things i already am ;) |
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| XaNaX |
| quote: | Originally posted by Slylee
ok but then if that's the case, then i want to know why it's worth it to him to keep her around rather than just say ah it, since he's got this great new girl he is supposedly nuts about. why would he even create this whole situation?
they don't have kids together and from what i gather, they aren't like big family friends or anything. she's just a regular ol' ex gf whom he was nothing but disfunctional with and it's only been 8 months since they broke up and she is already like living with another bf. seems to me like he was rebound or something and she just jumped into the first thing after my guy broke up with her.
if i was friends with an ex and i had this great new guy i was dating, the LAST ing thing on earth i would do is be like 'hey i want you to meet my ex bf, he is a great guy, you have nothing to worry about!"
new boyfriend > old boyfriend...i dont care what the circumstances are. i'm starting something new with the new guy, not my ex.
it's mostly just about what his priorities are and about respect. not about me thinking there is something going on. that's all.
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Exactly. Your boyfriend needs to decide what is more important to him, his friendship with this girl or his relationship with you. That should be a pretty clear and easy choice, or at least it would be for me.
I'm not saying he has to never speak to her again, but to expect a relatively new girlfriend to hang out and be friends with his most recent ex is a little crazy. If it were me I would tell her that I'm not saying that we aren't friends anymore, but I have a new girlfriend who I really like and so that we have the best possible chance at working out we need to chill out hanging out for a little bit until our relationship is more established. If this girl is really just his friend and doesn't have feelings for him then she should understand.
Time fixes all of these issues if you don't force them. I wouldn't care to hang out with a girl's ex if I had been with her for a year, but I'm not gonna be buddies with her ex three months after they broke up. As long as he is respectful (no talking about ing her and like that) and their relationship has been over long enough to know its really over, then I don't really care.
The issue isn't yours Jamie, it's his. He needs to get his priorities straight. |
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| Andryuha |
| I don't know about being friends, but I've never burned any bridges with my exs. |
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| KiNeTiC ENeRgY |
| quote: | Originally posted by Andryuha
I don't know about being friends, but I've never burned any bridges with my exs. |
you don't have to burn bridges with your ex's. You can accomplish this w/o constant texting/talking on the phone or daily e-mails. You should be able to leave them alone under good standings and move on with another bf/gf. If your with a new person, you should not be communicating with the ex! There's no other reason to do so other than them being a plan B. |
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| squirrelly |
| Jamie, haven't you only been with this guy like a month or two? Why the big deal? Most people don't even know that the person they're dating is the one they want to spend the rest of their life with until much later. Go with the flow and have fun. If he's still bff with her after a year, THEN be like "ok, now that we're very serious and exclusive, this is bothering me." |
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| KiNeTiC ENeRgY |
| quote: | Originally posted by squirrelly
Jamie, haven't you only been with this guy like a month or two? Why the big deal? Most people don't even know that the person they're dating is the one they want to spend the rest of their life with until much later. Go with the flow and have fun. If he's still bff with her after a year, THEN be like "ok, now that we're very serious and exclusive, this is bothering me." |
It's rude and a kick to the balls or ovaries to be talking about your ex with your new fling or talking to the ex on a constant basis. |
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| Swamper |
| quote: | Originally posted by XaNaX
Exactly. Your boyfriend needs to decide what is more important to him, his friendship with this girl or his relationship with you. That should be a pretty clear and easy choice, or at least it would be for me.
The issue isn't yours Jamie, it's his. He needs to get his priorities straight. |
Tricky situation. Ultimately he needs to understand that if he wants to build something with you he needs to make sure boundaries are enforced with her that are comfortable with you. Where it gets difficult is him knowing what those boundaries are without having you dictate/giving out ultimatums in the heat of the moment. You have to trust him and he has to feel that you do as well -- if not, all the insecurity red flags come up and it will just make the situation worse.
| quote: | Originally posted by Slylee
ALL of my jealousy has to do with her, not him. does that make any sense? i know for a fact he would never cheat on me or anything like that, but it just bothers me that SHE may possibly have ulterior motives and that i'll never really know what's going through her head or what her intentions are for having ties to him still. |
If you know for a fact he'd never cheat then you should just see this as an opportunity to re-affirm that your relationship is safe. Both of you will encounter situations like this in the future (where one can stray) and you can't keep ppl on a leash - it takes two to tango and if your bf fools around on you with his ex then your issues are with your bf, not her.
| quote: | Originally posted by Slylee
i had 4 marlins/mets tickets and none of my friends could go and i asked him if any of his friends would go with us. he was like "yea but uhh..i dunno if u will want to go with them"...of course i was like "what do u mean". then he explained it was his ex and her bf and how he is still friends with them, bla bla bla. i was so filled with rage when i heard this, but i remained calm, yet distant the rest of the night. |
What I don't understand here is doesn't he have other friends that would be interested in the tix? Why would the ex-gf/her bf come up first? It's even more strange if this was the first you heard of him still being friends with the ex-gf.
| quote: | Originally posted by squirrelly
Jamie, haven't you only been with this guy like a month or two? Why the big deal? Most people don't even know that the person they're dating is the one they want to spend the rest of their life with until much later. Go with the flow and have fun. If he's still bff with her after a year, THEN be like "ok, now that we're very serious and exclusive, this is bothering me." |
This isn't fair to him since he could then say, after a year, "why is it a problem for you now but it wasn't prior to this? What changed?" - etc. |
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