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BF/GFs who are friends with their exes (pg. 13)
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| XaNaX |
| quote: | Originally posted by KiNeTiC ENeRgY
It's rude and a kick to the balls or ovaries to be talking about your ex with your new fling or talking to the ex on a constant basis. |
truth. if you actually care about and want a serious relationship with the person you are with now to me its rude. If you are just ing them or whatever then who cares. To me its an indication that the relationship is not serious if you are constantly in contact with your ex, and from what Jamie has said I was getting the vibe that this is a serious relationship
| quote: | Originally posted by Swamper
Tricky situation. Ultimately he needs to understand that if he wants to build something with you he needs to make sure boundaries are enforced with her that are comfortable with you. Where it gets difficult is him knowing what those boundaries are without having you dictate/giving out ultimatums in the heat of the moment. You have to trust him and he has to feel that you do as well -- if not, all the insecurity red flags come up and it will just make the situation worse.
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this is exactly what I was saying before, to me it's common ing sense that when you are in a new relationship you don't force your ex into it even if she is just a "friend". If you want to be with your ex then be with him/her, otherwise I don't want to hear about them constantly or hang out with them. A lot of people don't seem to get that though |
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| squirrelly |
| quote: | Originally posted by Swamper
This isn't fair to him since he could then say, after a year, "why is it a problem for you now but it wasn't prior to this? What changed?" - etc. |
That's not what I meant, I don't mean hide how you feel... I guess I said it wrong. You're right, he should have much more respect and cut ties. But he's not. So what does that say about his moral character? The first while is all about figuring out if you're even compatible for the future... so that's what she should be doing. This situation just seems like so much drama... And there's already trust issues.
IMO, if you really trust him, it shouldn't matter. I was always jealous when I didn't trust someone. So maybe you should evaluate what's causing your trust issues to begin with? |
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| StanVoid |
| i dont think you're being disrespected at all. The only reason you may feel that way is because - in YOUR head, based on your own opinions and judgements - apparently hanging out with an ex is like a slap in the face. If you actually figure out that some people can remain friends with past romantic partners, you'll see that such a thing doesn't have to be disrespectful in the first place. Think of it this way, until something actually happens (i.e. he cheats or fools around), you should give him your trust. And if he does cheat, well then it wasn't mean to be in the first place. But if you leave him just because his ex made you feel uncomfortable, well then you're the one with the issues. :p |
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| XaNaX |
| quote: | Originally posted by squirrelly
That's not what I meant, I don't mean hide how you feel... I guess I said it wrong. You're right, he should have much more respect and cut ties. But he's not. So what does that say about his moral character? The first while is all about figuring out if you're even compatible for the future... so that's what she should be doing. This situation just seems like so much drama... And there's already trust issues.
IMO, if you really trust him, it shouldn't matter. I was always jealous when I didn't trust someone. So maybe you should evaluate what's causing your trust issues to begin with? |
To me its not so much about trust as respect. Hell if someone is going to cheat on me I'd rather that happen sooner rather than later so I can get the skank out of my life and move on. But even if I don't think there is a chance in hell they would get back with their ex that doesn't mean I want to hang with them and hear about all the they did together and sit there for their inside jokes, etc while we are in a new relationship. I have been in the situation where I was with someone for a month and she was forever on about her ex she dated for 3 years and finally I just said look I'd really rather not hear about him and what you guys did anymore if you want to date me, otherwise feel free to go back to him. Maybe too blunt but it got the point across.
| quote: | Originally posted by StanVoid
i dont think you're being disrespected at all. The only reason you may feel that way is because - in YOUR head, based on your own opinions and judgements - apparently hanging out with an ex is like a slap in the face. If you actually figure out that some people can remain friends with past romantic partners, you'll see that such a thing doesn't have to be disrespectful in the first place. Think of it this way, until something actually happens (i.e. he cheats or fools around), you should give him your trust. And if he does cheat, well then it wasn't mean to be in the first place. But if you leave him just because his ex made you feel uncomfortable, well then you're the one with the issues. :p |
Not having to hang out with a person's immediate ex when you are in a new relationship is a pretty reasonable request. If it bothers her and he cares about her he should respect that. If he doesn't then that shows something about his character that she needs to take into consideration. |
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| Jabberwocky |
| he's just not that into you. |
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| Slylee |
aaahhh!! i dont even know where to start. yea our relationship is new but it kinda got serious quickly (because of him really, not me). he already tells me he loves me and he farts in front of me. lol texts me at least once a day with "thnking of u" or "miss u love u", etc...
the marlins ticket situation: yea all his other friends (it's a small group) were out of town so that's why he mentioned them. and yes it was the first time i heard about him being friends with her.
i agree with kinetic. it's kinda rude to start talking about an ex with a new girl.
i really don't know what this is all about with him and her but the only thing i know is that i'm uncomfortable with it and i'm also uncomfortable w/ the fact that there is already drama so soon. someone told me he seems like the type to create the drama. like why he said he likes it that i'm jealous and then practically force feeds me his ex gf. i really hope that's not the case. it would hurt to break up with him at this point, but i'll do what i have to do to keep my sanity and rid myself of disfunctional relationships.
should i talk to him? the last we spoke about it i told him i was going to try and work through it even though it bothered me...then 2 days later he invited me to dinner with him and her and her man and i said "no thanks". then he showed up after dinner with gifts for me and was all over me...like he knew it pissed me off. i was fine though when he came over...didn't show that i was mad. i was actually happy to see him. |
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| XaNaX |
| I would be honest and tell him its a problem for you. Just say that mabye some day you won't care to hang out with his ex but right now you would rather focus on the two of you. If he can't understand that for me that would be a deal breaker |
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| Slylee |
i can't believe i haven't consulted with my one and only voice of reason on here.
Moral Hazard WTF! where are u? what are u like too busy being a DAD n all?:rolleyes: :mad:
:p |
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| chach |
| I'm friends with all my exs, I always dated bitches though. So I don't hang out with them will occasionally though. |
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| XaNaX |
| quote: | Originally posted by Slylee
i can't believe i haven't consulted with my one and only voice of reason on here.
Moral Hazard WTF! where are u? what are u like too busy being a DAD n all?:rolleyes: :mad:
:p |
I'll step in and be your voice of reason today, I'm even sober right now :gsmile: |
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| Slylee |
| lol holy , i'll alert the press:p |
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| The17sss |
| quote: | Originally posted by XaNaX
truth. if you actually care about and want a serious relationship with the person you are with now to me its rude. If you are just ing them or whatever then who cares. To me its an indication that the relationship is not serious if you are constantly in contact with your ex, and from what Jamie has said I was getting the vibe that this is a serious relationship
this is exactly what I was saying before, to me it's common ing sense that when you are in a new relationship you don't force your ex into it even if she is just a "friend". If you want to be with your ex then be with him/her, otherwise I don't want to hear about them constantly or hang out with them. A lot of people don't seem to get that though |
ding ding ding ding ding! Xanax knows what he's talking about. And Sylee, I gotta say, if you're with someone for only a few months and he's already saying "I love you," watch out. Red flag city. , a person's mask doesn't even start to come off for at least 6 months most of the time. I'm not saying it's impossible, just improbable.... that 3 months is enough time to "love" someone. If he does, his ex would be just a memory and not a buddy. Either it's a lie, or he doesn't appreciate the meaning of the word love, or doesn't understand it. Can't be tossing that word around casually |
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