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Friendship and sex (pg. 21)
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| Vector A |
Maybe.
My gf's friend recently got married, but back when she was single, she would have like a dozen guys at any one time that she would be leading on. She referred to them as her "legion."
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| treeboo |
| quote: | Originally posted by Joss Weatherby
It depends on the girl. There are definitely lots of girls who keep many guy friends around that they'd never hook up with in a million years, but they do it for some other reason, posterity maybe? I am not sure, but I've known a number of them. :( :stongue: |
Tis better not to have ed your friends and lost than have ever ed at all?
Here's an interesting article on intrasex competition between women |
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| Joss Weatherby |
| quote: | Originally posted by treeboo
Tis better not to have ed your friends and lost than have ever ed at all? |
I'm not sure. Depends on if it feels like there is something worthwhile that might come from it I guess. :conf:
Of course I've been in a couple of situations where jumping the friends ladder only led to climbing back up one of them after falling in the middle, so who knows. Makes it all seem sorta cheap. |
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| Lira |
| quote: | Originally posted by Joss Weatherby
It depends on the girl. There are definitely lots of girls who keep many guy friends around that they'd never hook up with in a million years, but they do it for some other reason, posterity maybe? |
No, because they're nice companies. Like I said, unless the guy's an utter bore or a complete nuisance, a girl has no reason whatsoever to avoid his company.
| quote: | Originally posted by Vector A
I dunno, seems like it would feel nice to have a whole group of people who were all attracted to you, even if you did not feel the same way about them. |
Definitely. I'm not exactly anyone's definition of handsome, but throughout my relationship even I have had two or three friends that I consciously knew were attracted to me at some point but I still kept them around because:- They were awesome to be around;
- They made me feel awesome;
- I knew they were not a threat to my relationship (i.e. they'd not "snap" and either hit on me or harass my girlfriend).
Except for one, who started being too "aggressive" about her attraction (cracking jokes like "Woo, you're a Capricorn? Why don't you ditch your girlfriend and let me stroke your goatee in my bed, goaty?" definitely raises a flag :p), I saw no reason to stop hanging out with them. They all eventually found boyfriends and seem to have moved on.
Under other circumstances, I'd say half of them were somewhat attractive. |
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| treeboo |
I do think you're dead on about the competition aspects of it. when I was single, I'd often try to go out with my woman friends, single or taken, because if other women see you with an attractive girl, their interest seems to be more piqued. It def works both ways...cheap or not. Of course, honesty and openness are important parts of any relationship and making someone feel like they have a chance when they have no shot is remarkably heartless...especially if you're exploiting or taking advantage of them
Living in the pit does suck...but ultimately, it's a similar idea. If you've tried to make the jump and failed, you have to decide if climbing the ladder again will bring something worthwhile or if you're just wasting your (and their) time |
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| Joss Weatherby |
| quote: | Originally posted by Lira
No, because they're nice companies. Like I said, unless the guy's an utter bore or a complete nuisance, a girl has no reason whatsoever to avoid his company. |
Yes but you said there is no friends zone. Those people would be in the friends zone. |
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| Lira |
There's (I guess) an unintended downside about this analogy though, Treeboo: Would you say you're wasting your time hanging around someone just because she's not interested in you?
If I were single and friends with a fit girl that didn't fancy me, I'd never bite the bullet and still keep her company if it is pleasant. If I'm around her just because I want to call her Bella and sparkle in glee under the sun sucking her blood despite her insufferable personality, then I'd say she's probably not the right girl anyway and move on.
| quote: | Originally posted by Joss Weatherby
Yes but you said there is no friends zone. Those people would be in the friends zone. |
Because they never had a chance to begin with: I'm talking about the idea that you can friendzone someone. You're either a potential mate or you aren't. Simple as that.
No matter how "nice" and "friendly" Brad Pitt is, I doubt any girl attracted to him would friendzone the guy just because "it took him too long" or "he's just too sweet". |
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| Joss Weatherby |
Also there is a friends zone for guys too, except it works different I think. Its never off the table, you just don't consider it really.
I can vouch for this, a good friend of mine moved from one zone to the other and I never thought about her that way till she said something.  |
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| Joss Weatherby |
| quote: | Originally posted by Lira
Because they never had a chance to begin with: I'm talking about the idea that you can friendzone someone. You're either a potential mate or you aren't. Simple as that. |
No, I think that is true for guys, see my last post, but for girls they can def put a guy in a category where they'd never think of them sexually, its not even on the table. |
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| treeboo |
| If you're interested in them but they have no romantic interest in you, you are sort of wasting your time. You're pursuing someone who isn't going to flip. Does that mean you can't be friends? of course not. But I find most people (myself included) can't separate those feelings, even after rejection. In that sense, a person would be better off severing ties, if only for awhile, so that they can move past their feelings to a place where a platonic relationship is possible. The time wasting comes from a sustained hope that the target's perceptions will change...not necessarily just hanging out or what not |
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| Lira |
| quote: | Originally posted by Joss Weatherby
Also there is a friends zone for guys too, except it works different I think. Its never off the table, you just don't consider it really.
I can vouch for this, a good friend of mine moved from one zone to the other and I never thought about her that way till she said something. |
Was she a minger?
| quote: | Originally posted by Joss Weatherby
No, I think that is true for guys, see my last post, but for girls they can def put a guy in a category where they'd never think of them sexually, its not even on the table. |
Precisely, because they've always been so far from the table she's never even bothered to offer them a chair so they could have a seat! |
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| Joss Weatherby |
| quote: | Originally posted by treeboo
If you're interested in them but they have no romantic interest in you, you are sort of wasting your time. You're pursuing someone who isn't going to flip. Does that mean you can't be friends? of course not. But I find most people (myself included) can't separate those feelings, even after rejection. In that sense, a person would be better off severing ties, if only for awhile, so that they can move past their feelings to a place where a platonic relationship is possible. The time wasting comes from a sustained hope that the target's perceptions will change...not necessarily just hanging out or what not |
This. |
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