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Friendship and sex (pg. 23)
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| Vector A |
| quote: | Originally posted by Halcyon+On+On
Have you ever been dadzoned? |
I believe Ted Promo might have been. |
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| treeboo |
When I think friend zone, i think of it as one of those things internet "culture" kind of ran with because it comes in an easy to consume package. After those ladder graphics started to hit the internet in...well, whenever the hell it was (02 or so?) Friend Zoning quickly expanded to include any rejection by a person ever. asks To me, the key part of friend zoning is that the potential target leaves the situation undefined and/or ambiguous. What I mean is, the refusal itself is not what constitutes a friend zoning but rather the aftermath.
For example, a girl asks a guy out and he says no: No big deal. But now, let's say he notices that she only comes over and cooks dinner for him a couple of times a month instead of the twice a week schedule she kept before his rejection. He decides that he will continue to flirt with her and keep that dream alive, so to speak, in order to reap the benefits he would receive if he did date her. Think of it as trying to have your cake and eat it too.
Do people act like this in reality? Definitely. But has it also been blown way out of proportion by a subset of awkward people looking for an outlet to avoid the pain of outright rejection? Absolutely. |
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| Joss Weatherby |
| quote: | Originally posted by treeboo
When I think friend zone, i think of it as one of those things internet "culture" kind of ran with because it comes in an easy to consume package. After those ladder graphics started to hit the internet in...well, whenever the hell it was (02 or so?) Friend Zoning quickly expanded to include any rejection by a person ever. asks To me, the key part of friend zoning is that the potential target leaves the situation undefined and/or ambiguous. What I mean is, the refusal itself is not what constitutes a friend zoning but rather the aftermath.
For example, a girl asks a guy out and he says no: No big deal. But now, let's say he notices that she only comes over and cooks dinner for him a couple of times a month instead of the twice a week schedule she kept before his rejection. He decides that he will continue to flirt with her and keep that dream alive, so to speak, in order to reap the benefits he would receive if he did date her. Think of it as trying to have your cake and eat it too.
Do people act like this in reality? Definitely. But has it also been blown way out of proportion by a subset of awkward people looking for an outlet to avoid the pain of outright rejection? Absolutely. |
What if the person doing the rejecting is the one coming back. :conf: |
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| treeboo |
| No difference? Whether they want home cooked meals or a shoulder to cry on or someone to take care of their pets, the idea is that the desired person fans the flames in the desirer in order to reap the benefits of dating them when they have no desire or inclination to do so. Of course, friend zoning is a two way street; if you're being taken advantage of, it only happens with your passive approval. it's also possible the rejector has changed their mind, but once having rejected, they should be ready to have to earn their place |
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| Lira |
| quote: | Originally posted by SYSTEM-J
Don't really agree. I definitely think it's an excuse a lot of girls use. I even know one girl who broke up with a guy after two years because she "just wanted to be friends", which is obviously horse-. However, that doesn't mean there isn't a reality to it. |
When she said she just wanted to be friends, did they really remain in amicable terms? And, most importantly, did he let himself go (i.e. stopped taking care of himself and gained an enormous amount of weight or just stopped taking care about is looks) or was there any critical problem in their relationship (i.e. it was doomed to failure and that was her "this is the best excuse I can give you for our break-up)? I know my brother's ex used that very same line, but he went from "lean interesting nerdy guy" to "fat anti-social basement dweller" in a matter of months - he was an altogether different person by then. Also, it just could well be the case that she saw the relationship was doomed but wanted to keep him around because she liked him. But in this case, I very much doubt she stopped seeing him as someone who she would like to have a stable relationship if he changed.
| quote: | Originally posted by SYSTEM-J
I don't buy into the idea that everyone decides immediately whether they're attracted to someone else and that decision can't change. There are people who I've had absolutely no interest in when I first met them, but something has changed - either getting to know them or some sudden thing that has changed my impression of them - and I come to find them attractive. And likewise there are people who I might have found attractive when I first met them and knew nothing about them, but getting to know them and being friends with them has either removed the attraction or made it feel weird or socially totally awkward to seriously contemplate a relationship. |
I don't mean immediately - the first time I saw my fiancée, I had no idea I'd ever date her, but I got to know her and we got it off right after our second date... mainly because it was the best date I had ever had. Had I somehow put her in a (non-)friend zone prior to that? No, not at all. If she truly was a minger and I found her as attractive as a socket, then I don't believe we would ever have gotten together.
What I mean is: the whole concept of friendzoning someone because "you somehow placed yourself in the wrong ladder because you were slow" is utter bollocks - personality traits can (and do) make someone more or less attractive, but these are usually borderline cases in which you did already think the person was somehow attractive but not special enough to pursue a relationship with... and vice-versa.
| quote: | Originally posted by SYSTEM-J
There's no universal rule governing attraction. To say no girl will ever do anything is just a bit foolish, really. |
And that's precisely my case against friendzoning. It can't be something all girls do and, due to its specificity, it's unlikely that this is ever the case. Could it happen? Yes. Is it probable? No.
| quote: | Originally posted by SYSTEM-J
Also, guys can do it to girls. I've done it before. |
You've ditched someone attractive because it took them too long to make up their mind? |
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| Allied Nations |
did you seriously confess your love over IM?
what the is wrong with the world
(in reference to weatherby, "reading some old logs, a couple of times"
:wtf:
also an extra :wtf: for reading it again |
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| Joss Weatherby |
| quote: | Originally posted by Allied Nations
did you seriously confess your love over IM?
what the is wrong with the world
(in reference to weatherby, "reading some old logs, a couple of times"
:wtf:
also an extra :wtf: for reading it again |
:p
I didn't intend to, she forced me to, I did something stupid and asked her if she wanted to hang out in a couple days, and she asked why and I said I wanted to talk to her and then she started freaking out. :stongue: So I ended up telling her there, at that point it was almost to spite her for being so hasty in wanting to know what was up.
And in reference to old logs I was reading logs with someone else. We were bored and skype sharing desktops and decided to read logs from way back in the day, and I had mentioned to the person I was reading logs of/with in the logs that I had apparently txt'd her again, but if I remember that right she was baiting me to say it... Man that girl was sorta messed up now that I think about it...
There was a thread on the first one but it got deleted in Neos great purge of the Nou. :( I asked the cor for advice. :p |
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| Vivid Boy |
| I friend zone bitches all the time. I mean I always meet a new girl with the thought in my mind, "I'm going to her" but sometimes if it gets to drawn out and she hasnt put out and I can tell its passed the point where if we do it'll have more to do then just sex, I back away. I'll keep them around as friends. I'll answer their texts, invite them out with groups or people, or go out once in a while for drinks but i wont them. lets just put it this way....if the girl seems relationshipy I tend not to them and befriend them...chances are they got a slutty friend |
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| Lira |
| quote: | Originally posted by Vivid Boy
I friend zone bitches all the time. I mean I always meet a new girl with the thought in my mind, "I'm going to her" but sometimes if it gets to drawn out and she hasnt put out and I can tell its passed the point where if we do it'll have more to do then just sex, I back away. I'll keep them around as friends. I'll answer their texts, invite them out with groups or people, or go out once in a while for drinks but i wont them. lets just put it this way....if the girl seems relationshipy I tend not to them and befriend them...chances are they got a slutty friend |
That's because you want to bang them and keep it at that, Eric :p
It's not like you reckon they're unbonkable because you don't want to go all the way with them... you'd do it provided they don't want more benefits... wouldn't you? |
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| Vivid Boy |
| quote: | Originally posted by Lira
That's because you want to bang them and keep it at that, Eric :p
It's not like you reckon they're unbonkable because you don't want to go all the way with them... you'd do it provided they don't want more benefits... wouldn't you? |
no of course not. I dont want to sound like a perv though im sure I'm come off as one but I think about in every girl I meet even if its just a brief second. Even the ugliest fattest chick when i first meet them I think what their face would look like. It maybe in the back back back back of my mind but its there. Sometimes youll see me shiver |
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