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Adopted TA's - anyone? (pg. 4)
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| Happymess |
Meat, you're a ing asshat of the highest order.
| quote: | Originally posted by The17sss
I see where you're coming from, feeling sad for those kids who have lived in orphanages for many years... it's terrible. But those will be by far the most difficult to adjust. Gotta get 'em young when they still don't know wtf is going on. Horror stories abound of foster parents taking in older children. I'm not saying it's fair, but if you want to limit the risk of having a poorly adjusted child and want a happy normal child (baby?) to adopt, try to get one younger than 2 or 3 years old. |
That sounds a little selfish to me, don't you think?
I understand the risk, and I'd be willing to take it. My grandmother and other family members adopted older children . And that fact hasn't affected their upbringing, really. They all turned out just as ed up at the rest. =D ... in all seriousness, they're the ones who are the most loving, most grateful, and the most wonderful aunties and uncles. :) |
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| wienerschnitzel |
My brother was adopted and it was a terrible experience for my family that pretty much tore us apart. I don't necessarly blame my brother, he's had a ty life from the start. His mum was 15 when she had him, apparently she had been raped. Her mum was sick and she was often taking care of her mum instead of my brother. He was often left in his crib in dirty diapers, crying. He started 'head banging' to self soothe himself and broke a few cribs from head banging the slats so hard. By the time he was 1, his mum handed him over to social services, realising that she was no longer able to care for him. Durring that time, he was shuffled around 10 different foster homes, until my parents adopted him at age 2. This ment that not only was he neglected, but now he never had a chance to form a bond with someone he could call 'mother' so he never connected to anyone.
When my parents adopted him, the alberta government decided NOT to tell my parents he had Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and Attention Deficit Disorder/ Hyper Attention Deficit Disorder. When my parents brought him home he wasn't able to talk, but cried all the time. He also bit, not knowing how to deal with emotions.
He was destructive and violent, breaking all our toys and hitting us. Growing up he didn't have respect for things like christmas presents under the tree.. at age 12 he'd open all of them before christmas just to see what's inside. He copied my diary and handed it out to everyone at school. Stole my sister and i's belongings and sold them to people or pawned them. He'd wake up in the middle of the night and eat all the cookies, or cereal or whatever he felt like. He tried to set the house on fire, threw knifes around his room, cutting up the walls. He never liked my mum, calling her a ing bitch all the time. I know some of it seems normal for kids growing up but this was EVERY DAY. there was a point where my mum didn't think she could do it anymore and she was going to take my sister and i and leave. He had been kicked out of every school in the district and started forging checks and cashing them and even tried to get a fake passport and was charged with passport fraud. he's been arrested for assault numerous times, stabbing people in fights, he's often homeless or couch surfing.. he's a total trainwreck.
I do feel bad for him because i feel like he never had a chance in hell to have a normal life. He finally got on disability meaning the government gives him $1000 a month to live. He still continues to ask my dad for money all the time, and victimizes himself to no end. I have tried to have a relationship with him but everytime he is at my house he steals, he threatens eli, and expects me to drive him around and give him money. My dad has bailed him out of jail so many times, he's finally stopped. He has spent alot of time trying to contact his biological mother but she has made it a closed adoption not consenting to contact. It's been a really ing rough go. I'm not saying you shouldn't adopt, but be aware that these kids need more then the average kid. I spent all my saturdays in 'family counseling' growing up. I hated it. I know this sound like a total rant but i wanted you to know what my experience with adoption was like.
that being said, i know alot of friends personally that were adopted and are completely normal, loving, functional family members. They were adopted as babies though. I don't know what to think about kids that are in the system.. i think they deserve the world.. i think it is awful that they are victims of terrible circumstances and they are the ones that pay for it. but it does have a pretty serious impact on everyone else in the family ex. siblings.
I'm sure you guys will make an educated decision and i wish you all the best! |
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| lkjbadf |
these things doesnt necesarely come from adoption.
lots of kids are lacking empathy. but yeah i agree, adoption is bad.
theres facilities for such kids. if you want to help, get a job there instead of ruining your own life and family. |
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| Meat187 |
| quote: | Originally posted by Lira
Edit: Sorry if I sound dumb, but I really want you to define what you mean so I can be sure we're not talking past each other. |
For god's sake, you really do sound like a silly little child that keeps asking "But why? But why? BUT WHY?". :p
By adopting a kid you're taking responsibility for his whole life. That's about the biggest form of giving I can imagine. And by deliberately choosing those who live in worse conditions you're helping a poor kid.
Now if you make me explain any of this again I will either leave this thread and post a lolcat or my ing head will explode! :whip:
| quote: | Originally posted by ziptnf
Are you Ayn Rand by chance? |
I'm no ugly Russian lesbian. I'm the bastard child of Friedrich Nietzsche and Arthur Schopenhauer. :) |
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| Theresa |
| quote: | Originally posted by VDub
There are too many people because some have more offspring than they should...
What I mean by responsiblity is directed more at people who decide not to have kids even though they are able.. |
I don't understand the logic behind this. Isn't it a person's responsibility to NOT have kids if they feel raising children isn't right for them? Isn't it people's responsibility to recognize when we have way too many children and not enough people to take care of them, and therefore choose not to have children? Isn't it our responsibility as a species to take care of the our own kind when there is no one else capable?
| quote: | Originally posted by Meat187
In that case I don't like the idea. I see adoption as a solution if a couple wants kids but can't have any. As a way to help the poor, nah. First, it's not your job to make the world a better place. Second, biological and adopted kids together sounds like the premise to a really lame book / movie, with lots of drama. Third, there surely are less "personal" and interfering ways to help those who need help.
Call me conservative, but I really think the traditional family structure is best. |
| quote: | Originally posted by Meat187
No, we accept that life sucks, that the world is a bad place and that people are mean and cruel and stupid.
ing idealists! :whip:
First and foremost one must care about himself, despite what the hippies say egoism is not only most noble way to live, it is the only one. |
| quote: | Originally posted by The17sss
I see where you're coming from, feeling sad for those kids who have lived in orphanages for many years... it's terrible. But those will be by far the most difficult to adjust. Gotta get 'em young when they still don't know wtf is going on. Horror stories abound of foster parents taking in older children. I'm not saying it's fair, but if you want to limit the risk of having a poorly adjusted child and want a happy normal child (baby?) to adopt, try to get one younger than 2 or 3 years old. |
While you're right that you are more likely to encounter behavioural problems in children adopted at a later age, a person who is consistent, loving and understanding can change things for the better. Have you ever seen super nanny? That show actually has excellent examples of how to condition children, at any age. It just takes the right parenting. |
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| ziptnf |
| quote: | Originally posted by wienerschnitzel
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:wtf:
Holy hell, that's insane. Where do you see your brother going with his life? Do you think he's just bound for prison for eternity? With the way it sounded, it seems like he's destined to murder someone. |
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| Meat187 |
| :stongue: at the fraction of offended naive girls. Sorry to disturb your fluffy pink world. |
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| wienerschnitzel |
| even the best parenting skills can't reform some kids. i'm not meaning to sound harsh here but the world isn't made of rainbows and unicorns. it's a pretty ing harsh reality.. one of the best examples of this are kids from the first nations reserves here. The band leaders don't want white people to adopt the children because they might loose their heritage and culture, but their basic needs are not being met. As a result there is a staggering amount of these first nations kids growing up in the system, and turning to crime and substance abuse as a result. It`s sick, but it`s reality. |
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| Theresa |
| quote: | Originally posted by wienerschnitzel
even the best parenting skills can't reform some kids. i'm not meaning to sound harsh here but the world isn't made of rainbows and unicorns. it's a pretty ing harsh reality.. one of the best examples of this are kids from the first nations reserves here. The band leaders don't want white people to adopt the children because they might loose their heritage and culture, but their basic needs are not being met. As a result there is a staggering amount of these first nations kids growing up in the system, and turning to crime and substance abuse as a result. It`s sick, but it`s reality. |
Of course good parenting really isn't going to make up for health and mental disorders... I am just saying that some children who are not predisposed to FAS etc. have a CHANCE of being rehabilitated, even at later ages.
But this thread and your story are the exact reasons why I am so pro-abortion. I don't think it's fair to dump these children off into the system where more than half of them are left to spend the rest of their lives and rot. It's just wrong IMO. With that being said, I want to adopt one day. Hopefully my experience wont be so horrible. |
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| Vivid Boy |
| quote: | Originally posted by Theresa
Of course good parenting really isn't going to make up for health and mental disorders... I am just saying that some children who are not predisposed to FAS etc. have a CHANCE of being rehabilitated, even at later ages.
But this thread and your story are the exact reasons why I am so pro-abortion. I don't think it's fair to dump these children off into the system where more than half of them are left to spend the rest of their lives and rot. It's just wrong IMO. With that being said, I want to adopt one day. Hopefully my experience wont be so horrible. |
adopt a cat |
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| wienerschnitzel |
| quote: | Originally posted by ziptnf
:wtf:
Holy hell, that's insane. Where do you see your brother going with his life? Do you think he's just bound for prison for eternity? With the way it sounded, it seems like he's destined to murder someone. |
Honestly, i could see him killing someone, most of all himself. He has made alot of comments to me about `if my life doesn`t get better soon i`ll put a bullet in my brain`... in my experience, most people that talk about suicide don`t really do it. I`ve tried to talk to him about it though, not alot of it seems to matter to him. He could eventually spend the rest of his life in prison, he may life a somewhat functional life living of welfare and never having any meaningful relationships, i don`t know. I hope the best for him and have always tried my best to make him feel important in our family but sometimes it can be real ing hard borderline impossible. |
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| Silky Johnson |
| quote: | Originally posted by Theresa
While you're right that you are more likely to encounter behavioural problems in children adopted at a later age, a person who is consistent, loving and understanding can change things for the better. Have you ever seen super nanny? That show actually has excellent examples of how to condition children, at any age. It just takes the right parenting. |
Truly though, most of that kind of learning is done before school age. You might be able to condition a child after that, but for the most part the damage will already have been done. Problems tend to surface in adolescence and adulthood.
But yeah, if a child receives consistent warmth and affection, feels safe and has all of their needs provided for - it doesn't matter if it's their biological parent raising them or not. |
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