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I'm in love with a friend and I don't know what to do (pg. 7)
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| *~LiSa-LoO~* |
| quote: | Originally posted by Endlesswave
Sorry Lisa, like others said in here before...from what little I know about this, I doubt a girl and guy can be friends UNLESS they get past all that...
Yep. This is my thinking exactly. Why walk up to someone and be interested in friendship in the begining if there is no attraction of some kind? (Physically).
This leads me to believe women who have nothing but many many guy friends can be awesome b/c they don't have to deal with certain things from being friends with women but imo those guy friends are just out for one thing and one thing only (for the majority of the time...) but we'll save that for another thread....lol
He said some guys are friends with girls just b/c he thinks she's cool and doesn't have sexual feelings towards them.
Maybe for the part that's bolded that happens AFTER they got past the attraction part but why be friends with them to begin with unless they really are that cool and can get past the physical part? When I first see a woman why do I start talking to her? B/c of her personality? No way...that comes into play after. |
I still disagree and there have been MEN in this thread that have said the same thing. But as I said before, and Kennifer pointed out, while it IS possible, it's just the exception to the norm.
Have you never met a girl through a mutual friend and liked her just for her personality? Or do you only meet girls when you're trying to pick them up? As Sandeep mentioned, he's never had sexual feelings towards me or "sized me up" and we met through mutual friends. The majority of my guy friends I did not meet b/c they were trying to pick me up, or started talking to me b/c they were trying to get in my pants. Rather, I met them through mutual friends. So we already had something in common and had a good chance of liking each others' personalities b/c we both picked out a friend who's qualities we liked.
All I'm saying is that it's possible, and it happens. But look at the number of men in the thread who agree with this...there's some, but the vast majority agree with you. Isn't that perfect evidence that it is possible, just the exception?
And as for your bolded part - I was specifically asking what he thought about all guya wanting to bang their girlfriends at some point. So he didn't mean "after they had gotten past the point where he wanted to sleep with her".
Attraction is a different thing in my opinion. Of course you're going to think ppl of the opposite sex (or same sex if you swing that way) are attractive - and be default some of your friends. But that doesn't mean that you're going to think every man or woman you encounter is attractive. |
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| *~LiSa-LoO~* |
| quote: | Originally posted by StereoPrincess
lol. did you look at that ladder theory thing?
basically, two people meet, they size each other up (if they are single). do i want to sleep with this person, do i want to be friends with this person, do i want to kill them cuz they are annoying, etc. the possibility of a sexual relationship always comes up, and will come up. just cuz you choose one specific person to be with in the end, doesn't mean you didn't try sizing yourself up to each one of your male friends. if the connection is not there, it's not there, but at least the possibility of it comes up. |
No I didn't. I'll read it after my exam today. I already have spent way too much time in this thread! lol |
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| Skipper |
| quote: | Originally posted by Jennifer_P_
Gay Men for Best friends FTW!
(perfect balance - no sexual tension) |
I would agree with this.
And I would generally agree friendship without it eventually going to the next level (or at least one person wanting it to) is impossible.
Where I think you get a great non-sexual friendship with someone of the opposite sex is where you have already been involved with them and it didn't work out for whatever reason - then after, if you're on good terms, you can build on the closeness you gained as a romantic partner, without there being any question about whether you should hook up. |
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| Jennifer_P_ |
| quote: | Originally posted by ChemEnhanced
and if any guy tells you otherwise...they are saying that just in hopes it will get them somewhere. |
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| StereoPrincess |
| quote: | Originally posted by Jennifer_P_
babes ~ the thing is - I agree with your viewpoint so I don't get why you are questioning me? From the start of this thread I have been stating that it's very very difficult for a woman and man to be close friends.... I pointed out my particular friendship solely because I am fully-aware that it goes against the "norm". |
no no. i am not questioning you. i fully agree that you can have a male straight best friend. of course you can. but i think you will be dating in the next 5 years if you are single or you will not be best friends if one of you start dating someone seriously. |
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| *~LiSa-LoO~* |
| quote: | Originally posted by Jennifer_P_
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I always laugh at these. (Note: This is not at all directed at you Jennifer). I have some ing fantastic guy friends (who I have never, and will never have a sexual or romantic relationship with, might I add lol). I feel sorry for girls that don't. I've also been really fortunate in relationships. I haven't dated complete tools. I'd be lying if I said I've never had my heart broken by a guy, but I feel like I've been really lucky compared to some of my other friends who have had really bad happen to them by guys. |
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| Intangible |
| hahaha I love how the original poster disappeared completely... most likely an alt though. |
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| ChemEnhanced |
| quote: | Originally posted by *~LiSa-LoO~*
I always laugh at these. (Note: This is not at all directed at you Jennifer). I have some ing fantastic guy friends (who I have never, and will never have a sexual or romantic relationship with, might I add lol). I feel sorry for girls that don't. I've also been really fortunate in relationships. I haven't dated complete tools. I'd be lying if I said I've never had my heart broken by a guy, but I feel like I've been really lucky compared to some of my other friends who have had really bad happen to them by guys. |
you may not have a sexual or romantic relationship with them but I guarantee they would like to. |
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| *~LiSa-LoO~* |
| quote: | Originally posted by Intangible
hahaha I love how the original poster disappeared completely... most likely an alt though. |
I was thinking that too! lol |
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| StereoPrincess |
| quote: | Originally posted by *~LiSa-LoO~*
Have you never met a girl through a mutual friend and liked her just for her personality? Or do you only meet girls when you're trying to pick them up? As Sandeep mentioned, he's never had sexual feelings towards me or "sized me up" and we met through mutual friends. The majority of my guy friends I did not meet b/c they were trying to pick me up, or started talking to me b/c they were trying to get in my pants. Rather, I met them through mutual friends. So we already had something in common and had a good chance of liking each others' personalities b/c we both picked out a friend who's qualities we liked.
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the thing you are missing out on is the issue of being in other relationships. if you are not single, you meet people and become friends for their personality. if you are single, the first thing you try to do is figure out if they are single. you do that to see if there is a possibility of a romantic relationship, if not, you go from there. |
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| StereoPrincess |
| quote: | Originally posted by *~LiSa-LoO~*
I always laugh at these. (Note: This is not at all directed at you Jennifer). I have some ing fantastic guy friends (who I have never, and will never have a sexual or romantic relationship with, might I add lol). I feel sorry for girls that don't. I've also been really fortunate in relationships. I haven't dated complete tools. I'd be lying if I said I've never had my heart broken by a guy, but I feel like I've been really lucky compared to some of my other friends who have had really bad happen to them by guys. |
that's cuz you always have a boyfriend. off limits. |
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| *~LiSa-LoO~* |
| quote: | Originally posted by StereoPrincess
that's cuz you always have a boyfriend. off limits. |
lol I'm not going to lie, I am a serial monogamist, so I would that that makes me a bit biased b/c I am more often than not "off limits". But I HAVE been single in my life time Margs. :tongue2
Edit: But then wouldn't that mean that it IS possible for guys to have friendships with girls without there being a sexual connection. Again, turning back to Sandeep. I met him through Ian, so right off the bat he knew I was involved and yet we are still friends - with no sexual desire. (But, as he and I both mentioned before, if I told him I wanted to sleep with him he would. And this, I believe is different from actively wanting to sleep with your friends). |
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