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I'm in love with a friend and I don't know what to do
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| GDLF11 |
I don't sense that it's reciprocated. And I can't muster the courage to tell him because I don't want to destroy our friendship but I don't feel right "deceiving" him like this.
What would you do? |
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| Jennifer_P_ |
It's a tricky one.... But if the "feelings" aren't reciprocated, I would chose to not risk the friendship if I were you - step back, find a distraction (there really are lotsa boys out there...) then when you can truly be friends without those "feelings", let your guard back down. You can grow out of crushes just like you can fall out of love after a break-up... just takes time.
Really - in my experience, it's tough to be really close friends with someone of the opposite sex. (or maybe I've just had bad luck). It seems that eventually, one of the friends will start feeling something...
One of my best friends is a "he" - and he's probably the only true boy friend I've ever had where neither of us feels remotely romantic towards the other.
... btw - you're not "deceiving" him unless you're only friends with him because you have "feelings" (obviously - unless your feelings are totally superficial - you like his friendship so there is no deception) |
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| StereoPrincess |
| quote: | Originally posted by Jennifer_P_
One of my best friends is a "he" - and he's probably the only true boy friend I've ever had where neither of us feels remotely romantic towards the other.
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i would say that this is quite impossible.
unless you are living a naive way.
to the original question, what's more important to you, having a really good friend or having a boyfriend? |
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| barbina |
| I'm confused? You're saying people can't be friends without one having sexual/romantic feelings for the other? |
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| Jayx1 |
| friends with benefits FTW!!! |
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| Jennifer_P_ |
| quote: | Originally posted by Jayx1
friends with benefits FTW!!! |
been there done that - always goes bad... |
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| Flec |
| quote: | | I'm confused? You're saying people can't be friends without one having sexual/romantic feelings for the other? |
http://www.laddertheory.com/ |
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| Jennifer_P_ |
| quote: | Originally posted by StereoPrincess
i would say that this is quite impossible.
unless you are living a naive way.
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I won't talk too much about it bc too many people here can easily-figure out who I'm talking about - but trust me... nothing naive about it - there's no lov'n between us and we're very very close. |
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| Jayx1 |
| quote: | Originally posted by Jennifer_P_
been there done that - always goes bad... |
never has for me... wanna be friends?
lol |
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| ChemEnhanced |
| quote: | Originally posted by barbina
I'm confused? You're saying people can't be friends without one having sexual/romantic feelings for the other? |
Guys are friends with girls for one reason and one reason only. |
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| *~LiSa-LoO~* |
| quote: | Originally posted by StereoPrincess
i would say that this is quite impossible.
unless you are living a naive way.
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Really? You don't think guys and girls can be friends without one having feelings for the other? And I'm not thinking, "Sure I'd sleep with him/her" But one actually liking the other.
Related to the first post, in my personal experience, I've dated guys who I was friends with before. I've never had a problem maintaining a friendship with them afterward (though I think that depends on the reason for the breakup - i.e. if the relationship ended on good terms, not b/c someone cheated for instance). One of the guys is still a huge part of my life and I'm still close with.
If you don't feel that's reciprocated I don't know if I would take the chance. But I would probably test the waters a bit to see if I could get an idea if the feelings were reciprocated. If they aren't, like someone else said, try to focus your attention on something else until the feelings go away.
If they are, I would definitely go for it. You'll never know what could have happened if you don't try. It's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. |
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| Jennifer_P_ |
| quote: | Originally posted by Jayx1
never has for me... wanna be friends?
lol |
haha
argh - I read this study a while back - wish I had saved it because I've talked about it so many times.
Women release this hormone into our system (can't remember what it's called) but it basically makes us feel attatchment for whomever our sexual partner is. Men don't release this hormone.
It basically explains why women tend to have more difficulty with separating love and sex.
If I look back through my sexual history (sorry - I'm not a virgin hehe), I can honestly say that I feel something every time I have sex with someone. I may not want to "be" with the guy - I may not even want to see the guy again... but I always feel a certain "warmth" after.
When it comes to friends-with-benefits typ'o set-ups - I think it's pretty-safe to say that it's the woman who usually gets hurt.
Regardless - I can't fack around with someone (especially more than once) unless I'm "into" them so it's basically setting myself up to get hurt because it's unrealistic of me to claim that I won't feel something more afterwards... (this is true with most women - no matter what they say: Things I've learned as I've grown up lol) |
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