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I'm in love with a friend and I don't know what to do (pg. 9)
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| Intangible |
| quote: | Originally posted by Yohan
(being overly friendly can be read as still being interested in the dude) |
That's not fair.
Guys should just be smarter. |
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| VDub |
| quote: | Originally posted by MissK
I wonder how many people out there think 'sex' the minute they meet someone?? And who is willing to admit it... |
I do most of the time... |
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| Jennifer_P_ |
| quote: | Originally posted by Yohan
(being overly friendly can be read as still being interested in the dude) |
I'm the butt of many of my friends' jokes because I attract the weirdest creepers... why? I can't pull out the bitch card under pressure.
Again - it totally sucks but kindness really is very-often mistaken for interest.
blah - this thread is depressing me (and distracting me). Enjoy the sunshine people! :) |
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| VDub |
| quote: | Originally posted by ChemEnhanced
Even the nice guys are not looking to be your friend....regardless of whether or not you have a boyfriend.
I may be letting out the man secret but no guys intention is to be just friends....never....and any guy that tells you differently is lying. |
I disagree...
What if you instantly decide that you're not attracted to this
girl??
I'll admit that on meeting, there's an assessment. And if she fails that, the
sex possibility is gone. But I'd still be friends with her.. |
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| Yohan |
| quote: | Originally posted by Intangible
That's not fair.
Guys should just be smarter. |
you're asking too much from dudes. we're all stupid and most think with their penis instead of their brain ;)
i blame a lot on lack of communication from both parties, but nothing is more frustrating than mixed signals from a girl |
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| Jennifer_P_ |
| quote: | Originally posted by Yohan
you're asking too much from dudes. we're all stupid and most think with their penis instead of their brain ;)
i blame a lot on lack of communication from both parties, but nothing is more frustrating than mixed signals from a girl |
but dude.... understand that the girl probably has no clue that you're looking for signals... Nor does she often even "get" that she's being read for them. |
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| Sly_Guy |
| quote: | Originally posted by Intangible
That's not fair.
Guys should just be smarter. |
hey, if a guy's interested in you and asks you out and you're being just 'friendly', then it'll lead to a catastrophic clash of intentions when you agree to spend time with him. We need CLEAR signals, and as illustrated in this thread, take none of our intentions for granted except those in which involve us trying to get into your pants. |
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| Intangible |
Here is the problem
Guys need to be clear when asking a girl out..
PLEASE USE THE WORD DATE when asking a girl out otherwise she may just think you want to hang out as friends...
How to ask a girl out: "I'd love to go on a date with you, let's go out for drinks"
How not to ask a girl out: "Let's get together for drinks" "When are you free? Lets hang out" "Let's go out and party" ... these just lead to confusion... |
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| ChemEnhanced |
| quote: | Originally posted by VDub
I disagree...
What if you instantly decide that you're not attracted to this
girl??
I'll admit that on meeting, there's an assessment. And if she fails that, the
sex possibility is gone. But I'd still be friends with her.. |
this goes against the very basic animal instinct that we, as animals, cannot control....if you don't want to get in their pants then you are not going to be their friend.
Yes, there are probably less than a handful of exceptions to this but those can be explained away. For example, I would like to think I am friends with my brother's wife...but if he wasn't married to her would I be her friend, no. |
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| Yohan |
| quote: | Originally posted by Jennifer_P_
but dude.... understand that the girl probably has no clue that you're looking for signals... Nor does she often even "get" that she's being read for them. |
hmmm... how do i explain this without putting my foot in my mouth lol
apparently according to genetics, straight dudes look for girls to spread their gene while girls look in a dude who might be a good potential mate to safeguard their offsprings (straight vs long term relationship theory)
this, i've been told, is genetically hardwired so it's hard to escape this.
now through education, cultural/social values, upbringing, personal moral values, etc, we decide whether to act on our 'baser' instincts or not. smarter dudes think with their brain and not let their penis.
but the dude is ALWAYS looking for signals. the dude may not act on signals. and seriously, it is nice to know that a girl is attracted to you because it appeals to our baser instinct that a dude can attract a girl to pass on his genes therefore ensuring survival of his genes. |
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| ChemEnhanced |
| quote: | Originally posted by Yohan
hmmm... how do i explain this without putting my foot in my mouth lol
apparently according to genetics, straight dudes look for girls to spread their gene while girls look in a dude who might be a good potential mate to safeguard their offsprings (straight vs long term relationship theory)
this, i've been told, is genetically hardwired so it's hard to escape this.
now through education, cultural/social values, upbringing, personal moral values, etc, we decide whether to act on our 'baser' instincts or not. smarter dudes think with their brain and not let their penis.
but the dude is ALWAYS looking for signals. the dude may not act on signals. and seriously, it is nice to know that a girl is attracted to you because it appeals to our baser instinct that a dude can attract a girl to pass on his genes therefore ensuring survival of his genes. |
I think you explained it perfectly. |
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| Intangible |
| quote: | Originally posted by Yohan
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But if a girl is being nice or playful that should not cound as a signal or a mixed signal... it may just be her personality. |
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