| Boomer187 |
| quote: | Originally posted by whiskers
shut up, shut up, shut up. |
2003 Darwin Awards
When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did
something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried
the trigger again. This time it worked.....
And now, the honorable mentions.
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The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men
to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. Thechef's
claim was approved.
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A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had
taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
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After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus
driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from
Harare to Bulaweyo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the
driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free
ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the
staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.
The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
******************************
A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man
pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the
$20
bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the
drawer...$15.
(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime
committed?)
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A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski mask and
carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE,
MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A ****-UP!" For a moment, everyone
was silent. Then the snickers started. The security guard completely
lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been
about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief
got him.
The thief ran away and is still at large. In memory of the event,
the banker later put a plaque on the wall engraved with the words, "Freeze,
mother-stickers, this is a ****-up!"
******************************
Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the
window.
The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head,
knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas.
The whole event was caught on videotape.
******************************
As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was
able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes,
the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to
the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there
for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's
the lady I stole the purse from."
******************************
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded
cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash
register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk
said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
******************************
A 5-STAR DARWIN AWARD WINNER!
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on
a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police
arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home
near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to
trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's
sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges,
saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had. |
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