| jdat |
Pink slips are always fun. At my last job during layoffs I printed up a bunch of fake lay-off letters with various peer names and stuffed them in the mailboxes.
ROFL
In my first year of college, I had a roommate who was a real jerk. My other two roommates didn't like him either. On Friday night, we decided to get him good. Knowing that he had to work early Saturday morning, we set all the clocks in the dorm room ahead two hours. Sure enough, he got up two hours early, showered and went to work.
Tape the little hang-up button thingy down on your co-workers phone. Then page or call the co-worker from another phone. Hilarity ensues when the coworker tries to answer the phone by picking up the handset, but the phone continues to ring, because the little button can't pop up! Great fun!
My supervisor had the type of chair that could be adjusted up or down by twisting a big nut-like thing under the seat. Every morning I would get to work early and give it a one-quarter twist so as to lower the seat so little that it was hardly noticeable. It took a while but one morning he realized his knees were up in his chin. He gave a curse and re-adjusted it to a more normal setting. Then I proceeded to do the same thing, but this time to make it higher. I think I was fired before accomplishing that mission.
My wife is an avid gardener and often works in the yard in her bare feet or flip-flops. One evening she left the flip-flops in the driveway when she went into the house. The next morning I spotted them and thought it would be funny if they were glued to the pavement. I retrieved some contact cement from my shop and applied a liberal coat on each shoe. That evening while she was in the yard I asked her to turn on the water to the garden hose which was located near the flip-flops. As she neared the spigot she noticed the shoes and stepped into them on the move. She kept going but her feet didn't, almost causing her to do a header into the lawn. I barely kept a straight face as she shot a 'kill' look my way, at which point I blamed my 20-year-old son for the prank
When a colleague of mine was out at lunch, I called in (from my desk) to the receptionist, and (disguising my voice) asked if he was there. When she said no, I asked to leave this message: "This is Gloria Fazoul down at the Golden Banana, and we need to know if he is dancing tonight, or is he still sick?" The receptionist dutifully wrote down the message and posted it on the employee bulletin board. When everyone came back from lunch, they read the message. When Steve got back, he was confronted by a lot of laughter, catcalls and rude remarks. He ripped the message off the wall angrily and stormed into his office, but never did deny dancing.
My wife read a book, THE COMPLEAT PRACTICAL JOKER. For six months life in my home was hell. Spoons that had plastic covers so you can't pick up your peas; a knife that breaks in half when you try to cut your steak; (and the best) ice cubes which have flies "frozen" in them.... made of plastic not ice. One of our very good friends came to visit. We her offered a drink with "ice." The poor woman sat there for 45 minutes with the drink in her hand, never taking a sip. We never said a word and neither did she. Years later we explained that it was a plastic ice cube and that the cube was not real. She didn't believe us since she has never again accepted another drink offer from us.
A man always bragged about his gas mileage and kept meticulous records, so his neighbor would sneak out at night and add gasoline to his gas tank and then laugh to himself when the guy bragged about his mileage getting better and better.
My dad told me this one: At Cambridge they have a day where all the university students pull pranks. A student went up to some workmen working on the road and said that some students were going to dress up as cops and try to arrest them. The workmen thanked him and carried on with their work. The student then immediately called the police to say students dressed as workmen were tearing up the road. The cops went to the workmen and tried to arrest them. The workmen thinking the cops were students were resisting. Imagine how baffled the cops were when the workmen said they would call the cops. The cops replied that the cops are already here. Well, the other set of cops arrived and started to arrest the cops that were there in the first place. The cops that were there first were utterly baffled by this. Finally with everyone trying to arrest everyone else one of the workmen looked down the street and saw the student that had originally tipped him off hysterically laughing. The student was fined several hundred pounds.
Got any enemies? All you need to make their lives miserable is a roll of lifesavers and access to their shower. Just take off the shower head (it should unscrew fairly easily) and place a lifesaver or two inside the showerhead. Screw it back on. Voila! After every shower for the next week or two, your counterpart will feel really sticky. Of course, what's the best thing to do when you feel sticky? Why, take another shower, of course...
Tell someone you don't believe they could possibly get a billiard ball into their mouth. Tell 'em it's impossible and you would give 'em $10 if they could do it. They can. It's pretty easy to get in and really damn hard to get out.
One of my favorites is a two-part joke. I work for the Pennsylvania State Police, and one day I pulled a practical joke on a recent new hire. I wrote a telephone message for him and left it on his desk when he wasn't there. The message was from a Myra Maines, and I left the phone number of a local funeral home. The person who answered the phone was not at all amused when the new hire asked to speak with Myra Maines at the funeral home. Naturally, I, along with everyone else who was in on it, laughed our butts off. This was part 1. It was very near April 1 at this time, and our cocky new hire, after falling for the funeral home gag, confidently assured me that he was on his guard and that I could not get him on April Fool's Day. Naturally, I could not let this pass, so now begins part 2 of the joke. One of the State Troopers that I know (I am not a policeman, nor is the new hire) agreed to help me with this April Fool's joke. The trooper came down with another trooper and said that they needed to speak with Mr. New Hire. They claimed that they were with the Bureau of Professional Responsibility, which is like Internal Affairs. They took our friend into an office and told him that they had received complaints from a local funeral home that he was calling them and harassing them with jokes that were in poor taste. The two troopers grilled our friend for nearly a half hour and believe me, he was sweating bullets, believing he was in serious trouble and facing being fired, etc. Finally, at the end of the grilling, my trooper friend said to our new hire friend, "By the way, I have a message for you." The new hire said, "What is that?" The trooper replied, "Ed said to tell you that you CAN be had on April Fools Day!". I thought he was going to have a heart attack. And again, yes, you guessed it, we all laughed our butts off.
We own a computer sales and repair store in Viera, Florida. As you will find in most computer repair operations, we have a wide variety of used and broken computers and computer parts. One of our customers was unfortunate enough to have backed over his laptop computer with a Jeep and asked if we could repair it. Fortunately, he didn't take our uproarious laughter personally and left the smashed machine with us as a "what not to do to a computer" show and tell item. As luck would have it, a few days later another one of our regular (and, thankfully, good natured) customers brought in his beloved business laptop for a minor upgrade. We took it to the back of the shop did the repair and swapped it with the smashed "show and tell" model. As I was walking back into the showroom with his pride and joy, I did the fake tripping routine and dropped the smashed laptop very convincingly onto our tile over concrete floor. Parts were flying everywhere! All Mr. Customer could do was stand there with his eyes wide and say, "Oh my God, Oh my God! What have you done? Can you fix it?" Needless to say we all got a good laugh, including Mr. Customer who was relieved to the point of tears that his baby was not the one in hundreds of pieces on the floor.
Computers are great, aren't they? I created this somewhat "official-looking" document, which stated that this automobile was suspected of involvement in several crimes the night before and was not to be moved until the owner had been properly contacted by "officials." Under cover of a moonless night (April 1), I sneaked over to a friend's house (a big party-person at the time) and attached it to the driver's side window of her car. Just to make things look a little more "official," I drew some very "official-looking" chalk lines around her tires--to verify the location of the vehicle. It's amazing how a few squiggles of Crayola can add validity to just about any situation. I know that this sounds cruel so far, but I thought it would be a dead giveaway when I signed the document: Captain Joseph "Joe" Kerr. I even left a number to contact: the local number for time and weather updates. I guess my "Bonnie" didn't bother to drop a dime. Anyway, it's April's fool, right? Well, she didn't quite get the joke. I drive by her house later that morning only to find her sobbing on the couch in front of the TV watching local news (been that way for hours), believing that her car was the getaway driver/vehicle in every gruesome crime of the night before. Lesson learned? A) Computers are not toys; B) Don't drink and drive; C) I didn't know petite women could throw furniture; and D) It ain't funny when you're no longer "officially" getting any.
This is actually car related! One time late in the evening, a buddy and I saw another friend's car parked (unattended) and thought it would be funny to pop the hood and pull the ignition wire from the distributor cap, watching from a distance as he swore and fumed that his beloved old car finally left him stranded. We got distracted by something or other (beer, actually), and didn't see him come out and crank and crank and crank the engine. Being mechanically minded, he finally opened the hood and noticed the wire and replaced it. We then witnessed the most amazing explosion when he turned the key and the raw gasoline that had filled his muffler ignited and blew most of his exhaust system off. Needless to say, we very quietly exited the area, while laughing our butts off. We didn't admit this to him for about 20 years (we were high schoolers at the time). He still didn't laugh. No sense of humor I guess.
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