| PatMcGroin |
| hmmm. i would never actually hurt myself. the most i do is punch something. and i could see myself breaking my hand (right now its all swollen), but i could never actually cut myself or shoot myself or anything. i don't have it in me. and i know although my life seems pretty bad to me right now, in all reality it's still pretty damn good. i just feel like day in and day out. and i just can't get myself out of this little funk that i'm in. i may start to feel better, but then something will happen, i'll snap and i'll go back to being insane. and it really sucks. cuz i keep hurting the people that are the closest to me. especially my gf. and i feel so damn bad about that. i wish i could just flip a switch and make it all better, but it just doesn't work like that. i try and wear this mask like i'm normal and i try so hard to act like my "normal self" but it just only makes things worse. and i'm a sort of person where my emotions really dictate the way i act. i can't hide my feelings. so. i dunno. i'm just really insane right now and i don't know how to get myself to be "normal" again. but i promise, i'm not going anywhere anytime soon. although my mind is lost, i'm not. |
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