| Lira |
Thanks for the sympathy, guys... really :)
| quote: | Originally posted by Lilith
She does it why?
Because she can Lira, because she can do fairly much anything at all for whatever reason she likes and you'll just try to be nice about it and over intellectualise about the whole thing going... (you know the saying 'nice guys finish last'? It's true)
"Maybe it's me? Maybe it's her, maybe its something I've done or something cultural?"
No
Problem is both of you. I won't even hazard a guess why she's on your case lately but you've got to start standing up for yourself and put her on her ass one way or another. It has to come to a head in other words, you can either withdraw, run away and go to another course or school or you can explain to her not to treat you this way because it pisses you off and try and find a middle ground.
Find out why, don't find a way to please her because you're already making her happy by being bullied and find a solution, maybe amicably, maybe force the issue if you have too but make it end. |
I like your way of dealing with this, specially when you tell Psy-T that "problem may well be Lira's behaviour at school and she's reacting accordingly" - I've learnt to take criticism quite constructively, I believe, and I often ask for feedback whenever possible.
As a matter of fact, I did have a word with her a couple of weeks ago, quite briefly, and that's what the second point in my post referred to: I asked her, indirectly, what I was doing wrong. She did then tell me how she had come to the equation "Lira not showing up for a few classes1" + "Lira taking high grades" = "Lira thinks he's too sexy for a particular subject", and then I told her how I didn't show up because I was lagging behind and was trying to catch up.
And, just like you said, I don't rule myself out as being a inadvertently a cause for cause of aggravation - either because of what Ian and most of my friends tell me (i.e. jealousy of some sort) or it could just be... I don't know, she might just not like my personality, and there's little I can do about it, in that case.
| quote: | Originally posted by Lilith
Plan your attack and counters to potential rebuttals, watch out she doesn't try to swing the conversation into other areas which are unrelated to the issue and make sure you take control of both the answers and questions. You can do it in writing, you can sure as hell do it by just speaking, be confident, take no crap. |
Yeah, this is my greatest doubt now - what's the best approach?
- Talk to her: Sounds like the most reasonable thing to do, in my opinion. That's how I tackle my problems, I'd sit down and talk amicably with her about what's going on and how it bothers me because she's someone I (used to) admire.
- Quietly Act: I'm probably going to Japan in September for a year, and I'm now engaging in a couple of important academic activities from other departments that will certainly be a "plus" in my curriculum. I'll get the chance of publishing some scholarly articles, it seems, which is something unheard of among students in my department. (How common is it in Europe/Australia/America, by the way, for undergraduate students to publish articles?)
Most people tell me that talking won't do any good, and that I should chose option "b" - that professor is quite harsh on pretty much everyone, and once she finds a reason to dislike you, there's no place else to go, as she can close several important doors. Not to mention the fact that she's my girlfriend's boss, and my girlfriend could end up having to face some of the consequences of my acts.
I, however, keep wondering - isn't conversation always the best solution!?
| quote: | Originally posted by Slylee
she probably wants to bang you lira. so the out of her, and then blackmail her with it. |
I reckon I'd rather be bullied :nervous: :toothless
15 or 6 classes in the whole semester. |
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